


A Rush at the Beginning

by OctopusQueen



Series: But We’re the Greatest, They’ll Hang Us in the Louvre [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Cheating, Consensual Sex, Consent, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Getting Together, Jealous Richie Tozier, Jealousy, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Resolved Sexual Tension, Richie Tozier Has a Big Dick, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Rimming, Roommates, Sexual Tension, Size Kink, Size Queen Eddie Kaspbrak, Smut, Top Richie Tozier, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:48:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23018818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctopusQueen/pseuds/OctopusQueen
Summary: He’d always known; for him, it was Eddie, it would always be Eddie, it would only ever be Eddie. And when the feelings didn’t go away when they got older and transitioned into adulthood, when the feelings only took more solid shape and became more tangible, that was how he knew. What he felt for Eddie was real. It was a part of him. A part of his identityPrequel fic set in the same universe as Our Days and Nights Are Perfumed With Obsession, but it can also stand alone.They’re in their early 20s and fresh out of college and Richie is hopelessly in love with Eddie. This is basically how they got together in this universe and includes their first time.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/OMC, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier/OMC
Series: But We’re the Greatest, They’ll Hang Us in the Louvre [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654378
Comments: 30
Kudos: 233





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to thank everyone who left comments on Our Days and Nights are Perfumed with Obsession because it gave me the encouragement to keep writing in this universe. I’m looking forward to adding many, many more installments until people get tired of reading them!  
> Also a big thank to user bebe8s for taking the time to proofread for this for me, you’re an absolute rockstar and have saved me from countless cringeworthy typos. (All y’all should checkout her tumblr, its birightsrichie)

It was a damn good thing Richie didn’t own much, because he was a God-awful packer. 

Besides his bed and a lone end table to accompany it, every object he had to his name fit in one large suitcase and his old backpack from college. It probably could have all fit in the suitcase if he actually took the time to fold anything.

As it was, he dumped the suitcase in the middle of the floor in his new room and let the backpack fall heavily from his shoulders, collapsing face first onto the bed with a groan.

Moving his stuff was easy, but Eddie was another story. Richie had spent the entire morning helping to move every bit of Eddie’s furniture, clothing, and home decor to from their old Chicago apartment to their new one, bit by bit on the subway, only carrying as much as they could hold at one time, because God knows they couldn’t afford to rent a van or anything. They were still fresh out of college and as broke as could be.

Richie, of course, grumbled the whole time, constantly asking Eddie, “Don’t you have a boyfriend to help you with this shit?” 

Eddie would only roll his eyes and smile in response, insisting Richie was happy to do it, which wasn’t a lie. Richie would do absolutely anything for Eddie and everyone knew it. But it was also true that Eddie had a boyfriend, so Richie somewhat felt the need to put up the ruse of irritation to hide his eagerness to always make Eddie happy.

The exhaustion of the move was only worsened by the fact that this was actually the second time they had moved within the span of a year, the first time being when they had moved to Chicago from New York in November.

For a few glorious years, they had all been living in New York at the same time. Richie, Eddie, Stan, Mike, Bill, Ben, and Beverly. They’d all moved there for college directly after high school, with the exception of Mike, who had originally gone and done his first semester down in Florida before immediately realizing his mistake and transferring back up to be close to his friends again. They were all so young and bright-eyed and they needed each other for protection from the world.

Richie was particularly grateful for his support system in their Sophomore year of college when he finally made the decision to come out. It came off the coattails of a failed attempt at a relationship with a girl in Bev’s dorm; after that crashed and burned he realized he just couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. The thought of pretending to be into… that… for the rest of his life… well that was just too much.

Wanting to get it all out of the way at once, and always with a flair for the dramatic, Richie had gathered all the Losers into his tiny dorm one night under the promise that he had “a very important and life-changing announcement”, and sat them all down on the floor in front of him. He’d been shaking as he stood in front of them holding a piece of white printer paper in each hand, but managed to slowly turn them around one at a time, revealing the words “I’M” on the first and “GAY” on the second.

At first they had laughed, genuinely thinking it was a joke, and Richie’s blood ran cold. But based on his reaction, they quickly realized he was serious, and all at once Richie found himself swarmed by his friends as they wrapped their arms around him in a giant group hug that barely fit in the dorm room. Richie couldn’t help but cry a little as they silently all held him as a group, overwhelmed, but not exactly surprised, by the love and support he felt from his friends.

No, not his friends. His family.

Things only went sour a minute later when Bill asked him how he knew. It was truly an innocent question, and he knew Bill didn’t mean anything by it, but he couldn’t control his reaction. 

He couldn’t answer that question. He couldn’t, because the answer to that question was standing just to the side of Bill, and Richie couldn’t even look at him for fear of giving something away.

Eddie was the answer to that question. Eddie was the answer to every question Richie could ever ask. Eddie was the answer back when Richie was too young to even understand the question.

He’d always known; for him, it was Eddie, it would always be Eddie, it would only ever be Eddie. And when the feelings didn’t go away when they got older and transitioned into adulthood, when the feelings only took more solid shape and became more tangible, that was how he knew. What he felt for Eddie was real. It was a part of him. A part of his identity.

But of course he couldn’t say any of that, he could only get offended at the question and claim it was inappropriate of Bill to ask, making absolutely everyone in the room instantly very uncomfortable and forcing Bill to choke out a stuttered, blushing apology.

Everyone had left shortly after. They’d all made a point to hug Richie on their way out and voice continued support, particularly Bill, but once they were all gone Richie collapsed face first into his bed and cried until he simply couldn’t cry anymore. Ultimately, he was still in the exact same place he was before: in love with Eddie, who he could not have.

Not much changed after he was out, except his friends stopped trying to set him up with girls and tried to set him up with guys instead. He went out with a few guys, and hooked up with a lot of guys, but never anything serious. He couldn’t even imagine engaging in a relationship with one of those guys, talking to him every day, going to bed together every night, telling him he loved him. It would have been a lie.

Everybody thought he was brave for coming out to them, and they often told him so. But apparently nobody more so than Eddie, who came out himself just two years later in their Senior year. Being far less of a drama queen, Eddie had come out to all of them separately, quietly. 

He’d actually started with Richie, which he told him was because he felt that Richie was a big part of the reason why he felt brave enough to come out himself. He had thanked Richie and hugged him, and Richie had gone through the motions of hugging him back and voicing support and encouragement, promising Eddie he would always be there for him if he needed him.

You’d think it would be great news for him to learn that the boy he loved also liked boys, but for Richie it actually felt like a door being slammed in his face. He’d always told himself that he and Eddie couldn’t be together because Eddie wasn’t gay. Now that he knew he was gay, that he had also been into guys this entire time, then that only meant one thing: he just didn’t feel the same way about Richie. If he did, something would have happened by now.

But the final nail in the coffin came just a few months later, and the nail’s name was Steve.

Since Eddie came out, he and Richie had started occasionally going to gay bars and clubs together. Eddie was thrilled to have the comfort of having a friend there. Richie would have rather eaten a handful of glass than spend an entire evening sitting in a bar with Eddie watching him get hit on by random guys, but of course he would do anything to make Eddie happy.

This particular night Richie honestly wanted to sock every guy who glanced at Eddie, sitting on a stool and sipping a drink, his pretty pink lips wrapped around the straw, but of course he had no grounds to do so. Eddie was not his in that way, so he just maintained a death grip on his own drink and scowled miserably.

Still, his demeanor seemed to deter most guys from actually approaching and making a move. At least until a man about their age strolled up and audaciously took the stool on the other side of Eddie, giving him a quick once over and complimenting his sweater.

Richie resented the blush that creeped over Eddie’s cheeks.

He and the guy struck up an easy conversation about God knows what; Richie was too angry to try to engage. He busied himself by stirring the ice in his own drink and observing the rest of the bar, waiting for the guy to fuck off.

But then Eddie finished the last sip of his drink and the guy asked if he could buy him another one.

Richie’s blood boiled. He was the one who bought Eddie drinks, despite Eddie’s cute, halfhearted protests that he could afford to pay for his own.

With this guy, he didn’t even pretend to protest. He just smiled and nodded.

The guy smiled in return. Flagged down the bartender.

Pointed to Eddie’s empty glass casually. 

“Another of what he’s having. On my tab.”

Richie was absolutely seeing red. The audacity of this guy…

He cleared his throat loudly, getting the attention of the bartender, as well as Eddie and his… new friend. The guy looked at Richie like he hadn’t even noticed he was there, and it only made Richie more angry.

“I’ll take one more too,” Richie said loudly to the bartender, downing the rest of his drink in one go before wiping his mouth and leaning in towards Eddie pointedly. “After this round maybe we should head out. I’m getting a little tired.”

He purposefully did not acknowledge the man sitting on Eddie’s other side.

Eddie nodded in response, and the bartender set fresh drinks in front of them. 

Much to Richie’s displeasure, Eddie turned back around and continued talking to what’s-his-face, but Richie tried to ignore his seething jealousy and just focus on finishing his drink quickly. The sooner they were done, the sooner they could get out of here.

Richie emptied his glass in record time, but Eddie seemed to have no sense of urgency at all. He sipped his drink casually, listening to the guy next to him, leaning in towards him, smiling, laughing… it was more than Richie could handle. He waved the bartender back over to close out his tab. 

The very second that Eddie took the final sip of his drink, Richie immediately leapt to his feet and threw his coat back over his shoulders, looking at Eddie expectedly, but Eddie only looked up at him with that little half-smile he did, making no motion to get up from his chair.

“Hey Rich, I think I’ll stay out a bit longer. Maybe get one more drink before I go. I understand you’re tired though, so you can feel free to head out.”

Richie almost felt like he’d been slapped. Eddie and Richie went to these bars together. They arrived together. They sat together the whole time. They left together. Hell, Eddie hadn’t even been comfortable going to one by himself, he’d said so many times, which was part of why he was so glad that he had another out gay friend.

And now he was going to just… stay here by himself? Was this dude really that fucking interesting? Or… or did he just want to get rid of Richie? Maybe he had wanted Richie to accompany him at the beginning so he could get comfortable with the scene, but now he just wanted him to fuck off so he could talk to guys he was actually interested in. 

Interested in dating. 

Interested in fucking.

Richie barely managed to mumble something in response before he turned on his heels and practically fled out of the bar, bursting out into the night. The cold New York air hit his lungs especially hard as he was trying to hold back tears, so he finally just stopped trying and let them come, openly sobbing as he made his way down the street in the direction of his dorm.

Eddie had just dismissed him for a hookup.

Eddie was going to go home with somebody tonight.

And it wasn’t Richie.

He wasn’t too far from his dorm, even on foot, so thankfully he was able to make it all the way to the comfort of his own bathroom before being physically sick. He emptied his stomach into the toilet, something he’d done many times in college, but this time it was definitely not from drinking.

It was bad enough when Richie thought this guy was going to be a hookup for Eddie, a one night stand.

It almost completely broke him when the guy became his boyfriend.

His name was Steve. Eddie had formally introduced him to the group at one of their game nights a couple of weeks later. And as if Richie didn’t need any more convincing that Eddie did not and never would be into him, this guy was the absolute antithesis of Richie. He was calm, collected, polite, mild-mannered. He was a couple of inches taller than Eddie, but not nearly as tall as Richie, with neat blonde hair, blue eyes, classically handsome features. He wore clothes that matched and didn’t have holes in them.

Richie hated him so much he thought he would just explode.

He kept an arm around Eddie the entire night, and Eddie was constantly leaning into his embrace, looking up at him with those big, beautiful brown eyes in a way Richie could only dream Eddie would look at him. At one point he leaned down to kiss Eddie softly on the lips, and this time Richie only made it out onto the patio before vomiting over the edge of the balcony.

Richie knew he wasn’t nice to him, but he also didn’t know how he could be any other way. This… guy… had his hands all over the boy he’d been in love with his entire life. Richie considered it an accomplishment that he made it through the night without exchanging blows with him.

He was a bit worried that he was being a tad too obvious, but apparently he was not the only one who had been rude to Steve that night.

Turned out they all had.

Eddie had gathered them all up again the very next day to angrily demand an explanation about why they had all been so cold towards his date. Really, none of them could explain it. They were all protective of each other, but especially so with Eddie. He was just so small, and he’d been through so much, they naturally all wanted to take care of him. Maybe not in the same way Richie did, but this at least gave him an out. He apologized along with the others and promised to be better next time.

And he really did try. They all did. As Eddie and Steve became more serious, he was around a lot more, and eventually Richie began to learn to tune out their relationship as a kind of coping mechanism.

It still hurt. It probably always would. He just got a lot better at hiding it.

The biggest exercise in hiding his loneliness came at their graduation dinner. It was supposed to be a celebration of what they had all accomplished, a celebration of the strength of their friendship that had all made it through their college years together. 

But for Richie, gazing along the table of all his childhood friends and their significant others, it was just a reminder of how alone he was. 

It wasn’t Bill, Stan, Mike, Eddie, Beverly, Ben, and Richie anymore. Now it was Bill and Audra. Stan and Patty. Beverly and Tom. Even Mike had brought a date, a girl named Lola he’d just started dating; she was bright and bubbly and fell in easily with the group, bringing Mike out of his quiet shell.

And of course, Eddie and Steve, curled up against each other in the booth, talking and laughing with everyone else.

The only other solo act in the group was Ben, whose eyes constantly drifted over to Bev when he thought nobody was paying attention and whose mouth became a very thin line whenever Tom spoke.

Richie wondered if he was that obvious about Eddie.

He wondered if they all knew, just like they all knew how Ben felt about Bev.

It was a painful night, to say the least, and Richie kept downing more shots to numb himself to the world, but there was a moment at the end when Audra whipped out a camera and suggested she get a group picture of “all the Derry kids”.

They cleared one side of the table and the seven of them all crowded into the booth, elbowing each other and laughing. Even Richie couldn’t contain his smile as he was squished between Eddie and Mike, smiling for Audra’s camera. It truly was an amazing thing, this friendship he had with this group of people. The fact that they had all found each other, and that they had all stayed with one another, through thick and thin, through the trials and tribulations of growing into adulthood, it really was not something to be understated. And in that moment, Richie felt truly happy. Truly loved.

But of course, nothing lasts forever, nor should it. People need to grow, and to grow, they need change.

Bill was the first to break the spell just a few months after graduation, when he and Audra announced that they were moving to Los Angeles. Audra wanted to become a film actress and there would be more opportunities for her out there, and Bill had been hitting some dead ends with his writing career in New York and wanted to give it a try out west. It was exciting, and they were all happy for him, but at the same time they all knew it was the end of an era. There was a somber tone during their going-away party, the unspoken wistful sentiments settling all around them like the falling leaves of autumn outside the window.

Mike was the next to leave. He got the opportunity to do a year-long internship with a photographer for National Geographic, traveling the world and learning the tricks of the trade. 

Now that the flood gates were open, the possibility of leaving didn’t seem so daunting. Richie had already been considering it, researching the comedy scene in some different cities, when the opportunity presented itself.

Stan’s girlfriend Patty was originally from Chicago, and she managed to get him an entry-level accounting job at her father’s insurance company. With just a few more strings pulled, Eddie was also offered an internship at the same company. The three of them pitched the idea of a group move to Richie, Bev, and Ben, the remaining Losers in New York. Bev sadly turned it down; she had recently gotten offered an internship at Vogue that could do wonders for her career in fashion, and of course Ben wasn’t going to go anywhere without Bev. Richie, however, leapt at the opportunity for a change of scenery. Plus, Chicago had some great theater companies and comedy troupes that he couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into.

At first, it felt like a dream when they arrived in Chicago. They found a cute little 3 bedroom apartment together, it was small, and full of things that didn’t work, but it was theirs, dammit. It felt right: Richie, Eddie and Stan, with their own place, their own home. And of course Patty too; Richie and Eddie loved Patty, and they especially loved how happy she made their sweet Stanley.

The first snow came when they were still unpacking, and somehow it felt different from the snow in New York. Calmer. More serene. Like less of a nuisance, and more of a gift.

Their heating didn’t work when they first moved in, because of course it didn’t, and they spent most of their nights all curled up together in a nest of blankets in the living room, chugging too much hot coffee and getting jittery and huddling around a space heater, laughing their asses off at the absurdity of it all.

Richie thought he would have been happy like this forever.

But he’d learned by then that all good things did come to an end. Stanley immediately thrived in his position at Patty’s father’s company and was quickly offered a full-time position, and with his new salary filling his pockets, he and Patty decided they wanted to look for a place of their own. It was unsurprising; they’d been together for almost four years at this point. It was just the natural progression of things, just like the way the snow melted away as the Chicago winter turned into spring.

So Stan and Patty found their own little place to make into a home, just the two of them, and now unable to afford the rent on a 3 bedroom on their own, Eddie and Richie had to move into a slightly smaller place on the other side of town.

And that was how he ended up here, face down on his same old bed, in a new bedroom in a new apartment that he was now going to be sharing just with Eddie.

A knock on the front door came reverberating up the stairs to his bedroom, jolting Richie out of his own thoughts. Having heard the knock as well, Eddie bounded happily down the stairs to answer, and Richie scowled down into his pillow.

Because it wasn’t really just him and Eddie, and it never was. He knew exactly who that was down at the front door, even before he heard Eddie throw it open and heard Steve’s voice as he walked over the threshold.

Fucking Steve.

When they had all packed up and moved to Chicago in the first place, Richie had secretly hoped that would be the end of Eddie and Steve. As much as he felt guilty for wanting his friend’s relationship to fail, he prayed that the long distance would be their undoing.

On the contrary, Steve had packed up and moved himself only a few months later, moving in with his sister in Evanston who happened to be a PhD student at Northwestern. He’d claimed it was because he missed his sister and he’d been hoping to move there soon anyway, but even Richie could see it was really because of Eddie. Their relationship was getting serious, everyone could tell, they were just doing that couple thing where they didn’t want to acknowledge how serious things were for fear of jinxing it.

Richie wished he could fucking jinx it.

He flopped over on his back as he heard them come up the creaky stairs. Eddie was leading Steve by the hand past Richie’s open door to his own new bedroom, which was down at the end of the hall. 

As they passed by Richie’s room, Steve raised a hand in a small wave to him where he was laying on the bed.

“Hey Rich.”

“Hey man. How was work?”

“Not bad. Glad it’s over now.”

This was how all the interactions between Richie and Steve were. Polite, formal, superficial. Almost as if they were foreigners who had a basic grasp on the English language, but only for surface-level conversation.

They carried on down to Eddie’s room and for a little while Richie listened masochistically to Steve helping Eddie unpack and rearrange his furniture, but eventually he closed the door and put his headphones on, something he had grown all too accustomed to doing since Steve had moved to Chicago.

Back at their old place, Richie’s room had shared a wall with Eddie’s. He could remember that one night, about a week after they first arrived, when he first heard Eddie touching himself.

It had been the middle of the night. He'd probably thought everyone in the apartment was asleep; hell, they probably all should have been asleep, but Richie had been having some insomnia so he was up reading when he heard the first moans and pants come through the wall.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what Eddie was doing in there, and Richie was quiet as a mouse as he leaned the side of his face up against the wall, pressing his ear into the wallpaper and biting the collar of his shirt to prevent himself from moaning out loud as he stuck a hand in his sweatpants and stroked himself, closing his eyes and listening intently to Eddie getting himself off, almost wishing he could meld through the wall and into bed with Eddie.

God, he would do anything to be the one who could make Eddie make noises like that.

It became a somewhat regular thing, getting off to listening to Eddie masturbate. It was always late at night, but Richie actually made it a point to be up that late just for the chance he could hear it that night. At first he felt guilty for it, and had a hard time even looking Eddie in the eye the next morning. But at a certain point he knew he couldn’t stop if he tried, even though he knew deep down it was wrong.

There was a history of addiction in his family, after all, and he was pretty damn sure he’d been addicted to Eddie for years.

But, of course, that abruptly changed when Steve got there. For one thing, Eddie didn’t need to get himself off anymore now that his boyfriend was around.

The day Steve arrived, Richie moved his bed so it was up against the opposite wall, and he was sure to put his headphones on any time Steve spent the night.

It was bad enough just knowing that another guy got to sleep with Eddie, but the idea of having to actually listen to them have sex, having to listen to him get Eddie off… that was just far too much.

If there was one thing Richie was grateful for, it was that in this new apartment he and Eddie did not share a wall. There was now a bathroom between them, providing a nice little sanity barrier for Richie.

Richie flipped around to some different songs, but nothing seemed right. He finally settled on one, then tossed and turned a bit on the bed, no position feeling comfortable. 

There was no point in getting settled anyway. Getting settled was a waste of time. It was only a matter of time before the next change came, before Eddie and Steve decided that they also needed a place to themselves and Richie would find himself once again displaced, all alone.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and finally dragged himself off the bed to get started unpacking his suitcase. He could hear the sounds of what was clearly Steve putting together furniture in Eddie’s room, undoubtedly triple-reading the instructions and putting each piece together meticulously, giving Eddie the sturdy furniture he deserved.

Richie’s bed slanted down at a 30 degree angle and his end table was held up by a small stack of coasters he’d stolen from a bar.

Maybe that was why Eddie was with Steve and not him, Richie thought bitterly as he slammed a hanger down in his closet.

“Richie?” Eddie knocked softly on the door to Richie’s room.

“Yeah man, come in.”

Eddie came in and plopped down on the end of Richie’s bed, completely oblivious to the way that simple action made Richie’s heart pang. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and was barefoot, one foot on the ground in front of him and the other tucked underneath him, his long, tanned legs seeming to stretch on for miles and miles. The shirt was a little big on him and stretched out around the neck, exposing his left collarbone as he planted a hand next to him on the bed and leaned on it, looking up at Richie with his big brown eyes.

God, he was so gorgeous. Richie just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and press soft, gentle kisses all over his face.

Instead, he cleared his throat and continued hanging up shirts.

“What’s up, Eds?”

“Steve and I were talking,” he swirled a delicate finger over the pattern on Richie’s blanket. “He had a long day at work and I’m pretty worn out from the move, so we were thinking maybe we’d just finish unpacking the kitchen on Sunday? I know we said we wanted to get everything done today, but since we’re supposed to go out with Stan and Patty tonight… it just seems like a lot. Plus it would give us an excuse to go out for breakfast tomorrow if the kitchen’s not unpacked.”

Shit. Richie had completely forgotten they were supposed to all go out tonight.

He didn’t really want to go. It was on the insistence of Stan and Patty, they seemed to want to prove to Richie and Eddie that just because they didn’t all live together anymore, they would still get to see each other and have fun together.

A part of Richie wanted to blow them off, but he really did appreciate them trying. He knew it probably wasn’t fun for any of them to drag him around everywhere. They were two couples, and he was just… him.

He also knew that his friends were nothing if not persistent, and if he blew them off tonight they would just drag him out another night to make up for it.

Richie hung up his last shirt before turning back to face Eddie where he was now outright lounging on Richie’s bed.

“I suppose I could stand to go out for breakfast. You should be careful though. Ol’ Stevie might rage out one day if you neglect your wifely duties for too long.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and threw a pair of balled up socks at Richie, but he just ducked them and went straight into an impression of a Humphrey Bogart-style 50s husband.

“Eddie, darling, what are you doing out of the kitchen? I thought I said I wanted my dinner on the table when I got home. When I finish chain smoking this entire pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes you’ll be in for quite a spanking!”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie flopped back on Richie’s bed and covered his eyes with his palms, groaning up into the ceiling. “Why are you like this?”

“It’s all part of a grander plan, my dear Eddie.”

He used the opportunity to start inching towards the door while Eddie’s eyes were covered.

“A grander plan for what?”

“To distract you long enough that I can get to the shower first.”

Eddie shot off the bed, but Richie was already running down the hall to the bathroom and slamming the door in Eddie’s face, leaving him to pound angrily on the outside of the door and curse every last inch of Richie, until Richie drowned him out with his loud, off-key shower singing and he finally gave up and went back to his own room.

-

“Time for some Jäger bombs!” Patty announced cheerfully as she approached their table with five shots of Jägermeister, Stan trailing behind her with the accompanying Redbull.

Richie groaned loudly; he’d already had two beers and four shots and they’d barely been here more than an hour. Patty had been buying all of them round after round of drinks, almost like an apology for stealing Stan away from them. On the one hand, Richie wanted to assure her that it wasn’t necessary, that both he and Eddie were happy for Stan and his relationship.

On the other hand, he was in no position to turn down a free drink when Eddie was sitting on Steve’s lap next to him and making out with him passionately.

Thankfully the round of drinks momentarily pulled Eddie’s lips away from his boyfriend and back to the group. They simultaneously dropped their Jäger bombs with a collective whoop and threw them back, slamming the glasses back down on the table when they were finished.

Patty was the last to finish hers, and as soon as she set down her glass she grabbed both Stan and Richie and began pulling them away from the table.

“Come on guys, let’s all go dance!”

Eddie and Steve jumped up to follow, and Stan happily wrapped an arm around his girlfriend, but Richie held back.

“I think I’m gonna grab one more drink first, guys. And I can buy this one  _ myself _ , thank you very much,” he nudged Patty playfully and she beamed up at him as she leaned into Stan.

“Just don’t overdo it, Rich,” Eddie chimed in, arms wrapped around Steve’s neck tightly. “Remember last week when we were walking home from the bar and you tried to fight that street lamp?”

“Hey, that lamp was trying to start something with me and you know it,” Richie called over his shoulder as he left the two couples who were still heading out to the dance floor.

Richie made his way back over to the bar, dropping his act and allowing his shoulders to hunch with a sigh now that he was by himself. He didn’t even really want another drink so much as he didn’t want to spend another night dancing by himself along with two couples who were dancing on each other and making out.

He fought his way to the front of the bar and ordered another beer, sipping it slowly while leaning heavily on the bar, wondering how long he could manage to stay here before one of his friends came looking for him. Maybe he could just stay for a couple of songs and then claim to be worn out from the move and head out early. Maybe he could even manage to be asleep before Eddie and Steve got home, because if the way they had been all over each other the last few hours was any indication, they were definitely going to be having sex tonight.

It certainly wouldn’t be a lie for him to say that he was tired. He was absolutely exhausted. Tired of training his eyes to not drift over to Eddie every time he walked into the room, tired of forcing his mouth to remain still and not smile every time Eddie spoke, tired of clenching his hands into fists to prevent him from reaching out towards Eddie every time he was within the range of his arms.

He was tired of watching all of his loved ones, all of his dear friends, all grow and change in new and exciting ways, falling in love and diving headfirst into brave choices, while he was just… stuck. 

But more than anything, he was tired of pretending everything was okay. He was tired of going through the motions and putting up this facade. He was tired of holding up the walls around his heart with his bare hands. 

He was just so… tired.

He downed the last of his beer and slammed it back down on the bar, leering down at the empty glass angrily as if he were blaming it for not containing the answers to all of his problems.

Maybe he’d find them in something stronger. He quickly shot a hand up in the air to get the bartender’s attention… 

… and launched the drink straight out of the hand of the bar patron next to him.

“Shit,” Richie hissed out as ice and liquid flew everywhere. “I’m so sorry man.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” the guy laughed good naturedly. “You definitely owe me another one though, it was almost completely full.”

“Oh. Uh, of course. Yeah,” Richie once again raised up his hand, much more carefully this time, and waved the bartender over to him. “What were you drinking?”

“Malibu Bay Breeze. And I’m guessing you’re getting…” he looked Richie up and down, scanning him from head to toe. “... some sort of whiskey?”

Richie couldn’t help but quirk a small smile.

“One Malibu Bay Breeze, one Maker’s Mark on the rocks,” he requested to the bartender, casually pulling a twenty out of his pocket and tossing it on the bar.

The guy chuckled to himself satisfactorily at his accurate assessment, and Richie attempted to subtly take him in out of the corner of his eye as they waited for their drinks. He looked… well he kind of looked like Eddie, actually, at least in the dull light of the bar. He was petite, with dark hair and dark eyes, lightly sun-kissed skin.

He was… cute. Really cute. Almost pretty.

The bartender handed him the drinks and Richie told him to keep the change from the twenty before turning to face the guy next to him and hand him his drink.

“Thanks.”

“It’s really the least I could do, since I spilled your other one.”

“Well, I have to be honest, it was really closer to half full. So I think I’ve made an alcohol profit on this interaction.”

“Well damn. I guess I’ve been bamboozled.”

“Guess so,” the guy giggled a bit as he took a sip of his fresh drink and extended his hand out towards Richie. “I’m Jake, by the way.”

Richie accepted the hand and shook firmly.

“Richie.”

“Richie,” Jake repeated, lips wrapped around his straw contemplatively as he once again scanned Richie up and down. “That suits you.”

“Um, thanks, I guess,” Richie found himself suddenly feeling flustered, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. He busied himself by taking a long drink of his whiskey.

“I like your glasses,” the guy, Jake, continued.

Richie laughed.

“Nobody likes my glasses.”

“I do.”

“Well thanks. I need them to see.”

“Can I try them?”

Jake set his drink down on the bar and took a step closer to Richie, officially entering into his space. Richie felt his mouth go dry and his palms start to sweat slightly. Was this guy - was he actually  _ flirting _ with him?

Jake reached up and slid Richie’s glasses off of him, turning them around to place them over his own face, immediately blinking hard.

“Holy shit. You are blind,” he raised his hands up in front of his face and wiggled them. “Like  _ blind _ blind.”

“Yeah, unfortunately they wouldn’t let my service animal into the bar. Although that might be because it’s a walrus.”

Jake laughed as he handed Richie back his glasses, running a finger along Richie’s forearm as he pulled back away.

Richie attempted to quickly gather his thoughts as he put his glasses back on with shaking hands.

Ok. He had asked Richie to buy him a drink. But it was to replace the one he had spilled. But also Jake could have just taken the drink and fucked off, and instead he was still here with Richie, standing in his personal space, talking to him, laughing at his jokes, making physical contact. All the signs pointed to that he was flirting.

Which meant he should probably flirt back, but to be perfectly honest it had been so long since Richie had flirted with anyone he almost didn’t remember how.

“I, uh,” Richie pushed his glasses up on his sweaty nose as he looked Jake over once again. “I… like your shoes?”

Jake threw his head back and laughed, and Richie’s cheeks burned. Fuck, he was so bad at this.

“Sorry,” he muttered, shoving a hand in his pocket, his eyes trained down at the drink he was still holding. “I, uh, I don’t really do this that often.”

“Do what? Spill people’s drinks?” Jake asked coyly as he swirled the straw around in his glass.

“No, that’s actually something I do quite a lot, believe it or not. I meant, like, I don’t talk to cute guys that often.”

Richie had a split second to worry that he had drastically misread the situation and have a miniature heart attack before Jake smiled at him and bit his lower lip, leaning in close to Richie once again.

“Hey, it’s alright. I don’t talk to cute guys that often either. We can figure it out together.”

Richie was slow to compute that Jake had basically just said he found him cute, and when he did he felt a flush creep up his neck and over his face, which he ducked his head to hide. A part of him wanted to flee, to make a quick exit from this conversation and run back to the safety of his friends, but an even bigger part of him knew he should stay and talk to Jake.

He was tired of being just Richie, all by himself. 

And so he continued chatting with Jake as they sipped their drinks. Okay, Jake was definitely interested in him. His laugh to groan ratio was far greater than Richie knew it should be, based on his experience with other people.

“You know, I could swear I know you from somewhere,” Jake mused, squinting at Richie as he sipped the last bit of his drink. “Do you come here often?”

Richie shook his head, wondering if he should offer to buy him another drink, or if that would be too forward. He didn’t want Jake to think he was trying to get him drunk.

“Do you go to college around here?”

“No. I have performed at some of the local colleges though.”

Jake quirked an eyebrow.

“Improv. Sketch comedy. Stand up. The works.”

Jake’s face lit up with recognition.

“That’s where I know you from! You were in the Last Comic Standing at UC!”

Richie shifted from one foot to the other. Normally he would be ecstatic at being recognized for his comedy, but for some reason he was suddenly uncomfortable. 

“Yeah, you go to UC?”

“Yep. I went to the show with some of my friends. Richie… something with a T, right? Taylor?”

“Tozier.”

“Richie Tozier,” Jake punctuated it with a snap. “I remember your set. It was really funny. You’re super talented.”

Richie finished the last bit of his drink and ran a hand awkwardly through his hair, feeling strangely uncomfortable with the compliments. 

“Thanks. It’s what I really want to do, so, ya know…”

He trailed off, hyper aware of the fact that they were both done with their drinks and wondering where they went from here.

“That’s so wild that I ran into you,” Jake took Richie’s empty glass from him and set both it and his own glass on the bar before turning back to Richie. At some point, he had moved even closer, if that was possible, and his face was level with Richie’s shoulder, but he craned his neck up and stood on his tiptoes to bring his lips close enough to Richie’s ear that he could whisper the next bit. “I remember thinking you were super cute.”

A shiver ran through Richie’s entire body like there was pure ice water in his veins. Jake pulled back a bit, but kept his head tilted back so he could look up into Richie’s eyes. There was a half smile on his face.

“Do you wanna go dance?”

“With you?” Richie cringed as the words left his mouth, cursing his own stupidity, but Jake just giggled.

“Yeah, with me.”

Richie swallowed hard and nodded, and Jake smiled up at him brightly before grabbing his hand and pulling him in the direction of the dance floor. 

“Are you, uh,” Richie asked, now having to half-shout over the music. “Are you here by yourself?”

“Yeah,” Jake yelled back over his shoulder. “I was with some friends, but they called it an early night. I decided to stay for one more drink, which you spilled.”

Richie chuckled as they weaved through the crowds of people. It suddenly occurred to him that Patty, Stan, Eddie and Steve were still here. He’d almost completely forgotten about them, which was… kind of nice, actually, as much as it pained him to think that. 

“I’m with friends too. They’re around here somewhere, I just had to get away from them for a bit. It’s two couples, so, ya know.”

“Oh I do know, trust me.”

Even that small validation made Richie feel a lot looser, and when they finally reached the center of the floor and Jake stopped and turned to face him, he couldn’t help but smile down at him.

He was doing his own thing. He wasn’t just existing as an extension of his friends and their significant others.

Too bad he didn’t know how to fucking dance.

Thankfully Jake took the lead, stepping in close to Richie and wrapping both arms around his neck, swaying back and forth to the beat. Richie raised his sweaty palms and placed them on Jake’s hips, first tentatively, then a little more firmly as Jake smiled at him, continuing to move his body to the music.

“You’re, uh, you’re a good dancer,” Richie observed, having to yell over the music even though Jake’s face was inches away from his.

Jake threw his head back slightly as he laughed, exposing some more of his tanned throat.

“Thanks, I took ten years of dance classes as a kid. Of course I got taunted mercilessly for it, so it’s nice to know it’s finally being appreciated.”

He pulled away from Richie and grabbed his hand, raising it above his own head as he turned in a graceful twirl before stepping back in towards Richie, now pressing himself flush against Richie’s chest, hands wrapped around his biceps.

Feeling a little more brazen, Richie planted his hands confidently on the small of Jake’s back, holding him in close as they continued to move against each other, faces lingering a few inches away from each other. Richie’s eyes were locked on Jake’s dark brown ones as they reflected the changing colored lights of the dance floor.

He began entertaining the thought that he should lean down and kiss him but worried it was too forward. He was still agonizing over it when something caught his attention over Jake’s shoulder and he looked up to see Stan, Patty, Eddie, and Steve all standing there staring at him dancing with Jake, the four of them completely motionless, with looks of varying degrees of shock, almost looking like a renaissance painting.

Feeling oddly embarrassed, Richie raised a hand off of Jake’s back and gave them a small wave and a nod of acknowledgement.

Quirking an eyebrow, Jake turned his head and peeked back over his shoulder to see what Richie was looking at.

“Your friends?” He inquired, turning back to Richie.

“Yeah,” Richie breathed out, swallowing hard and avoiding eye contact with absolutely everyone. Why was he acting this way? He had nothing to be ashamed of. He was just dancing with a cute guy, that’s all.

A guy who kind of looked like Eddie, but hopefully that would be lost on everyone.

Stan suddenly appeared directly behind Jake, making eye contact with Richie over his shoulder.

“Who’s your friend, Rich?”

Jake smiled up at him and gave his biceps one more quick squeeze before turning around in Richie’s arms and offering Stan a friendly smile and handshake.

“I’m Jake.”

“Stan. So nice to meet you.”

Stan was wearing a half-smirk that made Richie want to reach over the top of Jake’s head and smack it right off of his face.

After Stan and Jake finished exchanging pleasantries, the others approached, one at a time, to introduce themselves as well, Stan still smirking, Patty looking downright gleeful, and Eddie… well, Eddie looked a bit… strange. His mouth was a very thin line and his eyes were slightly narrowed as he stepped forward to shake Jake’s outstretched hand, holding onto it for just a fraction of a second too long, or maybe that was just Richie’s mind playing tricks on him.

Steve politely greeted Jake as well, and then pulled Eddie back to him as the couples went back to dancing with each other. 

Jake moved back into Richie’s space, still facing away from him, and grabbed Richie’s hands to place them on his hips as he began to sway to the music again.

“Your friends seem nice,” he tilted his head back into Richie’s chest to look up at him, smiling brightly.

Richie almost wanted to qualify that Steve wasn’t really his friend, but it seemed pointless and petty, so he just smiled back.

They continued dancing for a couple more songs, Richie’s hands still firmly around Jake’s hips as Jake ground back against his front, and at one point Jake’s hand made its way up to the back of Richie’s head and weaved into his hair, pulling his face down into the side of his neck. 

Richie inhaled deeply. He smelled sweet, something fruity like watermelon or berries. He supposed he could get used to this.

Jake turned slowly back around in his arms so that he was facing Richie again, wrapping his arms back around his neck and smiling up at him.

Now that Jake’s back was turned to them, Stan and Patty immediately began enthusiastically mouthing words of encouragement at Richie. He tried to tune them out, stay focused on Jake, but he couldn’t help but quirk a smile when Patty raised up on her tip toes to give him an enthusiastic thumbs up over Stan’s head.

He glanced over at where Steve and Eddie were dancing next to them; Steve was paying none of them any mind, holding Eddie close and looking down at them, but Eddie… Eddie’s eyes were glued to Richie just like Stan and Patty, but he wasn’t smiling and giving wordless encouragement. He looked…. well, he looked quite unhappy, actually. The corners of his mouth were distinctly downturned and his brown was furrowed cutely as he watched Richie dance with Jake.

Before Richie had a moment to evaluate the situation and begin to speculate what his sour expression meant, one of Jake’s hands found the back of his head and pulled it down towards his own, pressing his lips firmly against Richie’s before quickly sliding his tongue into his mouth.

He tasted like the rum and juice of the fruity little drinks he’d been sipping. His lips were soft and smooth and they moved against Richie’s eagerly as Richie tried to calm his racing thoughts and just focus on kissing him back, trying to forget about Eddie and the others and just focus on here and now, focus on kissing Jake and nothing else.

“So…” Jake murmured against his lips as they separated. “Do you live around here?”

“Uh, yeah,” Richie replied, his brain feeling a bit fuzzy. “Eddie… uh, Eddie and I just moved in to a new place. Like, just moved in today. We used to all live together, but then Stan and Patty wanted their own place, so…”

He trailed off, realizing he was babbling, and Jake politely hummed in response, hands now playing with the wispy hairs at the back of Richie’s neck.

“That’s cool. Cuz, you know, I live in the dorms, so I have a roommate. And a very small bed.”

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

**_Oh._ ** .

Obviously he wasn’t just asking where Richie lived out of casual curiosity. He was asking because he wanted to go home with him.

Richie swallowed and pushed his glasses up on his face, but they immediately slid down his sweaty nose again. 

Once again, Richie forced himself to quickly evaluate the situation in front of him. He had a cute boy in his arms, a cute boy who wanted to go home with him. He was being presented with the opportunity to get laid tonight, for the first time in, well, forever, if he's being honest…

His heart was beating so rapidly he was sure Jake must feel it, still pressed flush up against his chest, but Jake just smiled at him patiently, looking up at him with an air of innocence in his big brown eyes.

“Oh uh yeah, I mean, it’s a bit too far to walk, but we could take the train,” Richie finally responded, and Jake gave him a toothy grin.

“Great. So, you ready to head out? Or did you want to get another drink for the road?”

“Nah,” Richie breathed out. “I think I’ve had enough to drink.”

Jake nodded in response and leaned up to give Richie another kiss before he pulled away, grabbing Richie’s hand and leading him away towards the exit. Richie allowed himself to be pulled through the thick crowd of sweaty bodies, giving a brief wave over his shoulder to where his friends were still dancing, feeling a bit comforted by the enthusiastic reactions of Stan and Patty.

He didn’t even notice the way Eddie’s eyes trailed him all the way out the door.

-

“So here it is. Bienvenue mi casa.”

“You do realize that was half French and half Spanish, right?”

“Yep. I’m multicultural. You impressed?”

Jake laughed, and Richie closed and locked the door behind them before helping Jake take off his coat and hanging it up along with his own by the door.

“Also, would you mind taking your shoes off? Eddie, my roommate, he’s kind of a stickler about the whole ‘no shoes in the house’ thing.”

“Not a problem, I wasn’t planning on leaving them on for this anyway.”

Richie felt his face burn at the implication of what was about to happen here, but luckily Jake was bent down to untie his shoes so he had a moment to collect himself.

“Can I get you anything?” He hoped his voice wasn’t actually wavering as much as it felt like it was. “Something to drink? We don’t have much since we just moved in, but I think there’s a bottle of wine around here somewhere.”

“That’s alright, I think I’ve had enough. Besides, you’d probably just spill it on me.”

Richie huffed out a laugh, sticking his hands in his pockets as he shifted from one foot to the other uneasily. Had hookups always been this uncomfortable, and he’d just forgotten? And furthermore, was this a hookup? Or was this something more?

He was still trying to quiet his brain when Jake took him by the hand and started pulling him towards the staircase at the end of the foyer.

“So is your room up here?”

“Yeah,” Richie breathed out, trying in vain to swallow but his mouth was too dry. “First door on the left.”

Either the stairs here were unbelievably creaky and Richie just hadn’t noticed it until now, or he was just so hyper aware of every sensation, because it sounded like the whole house was going to collapse underneath them as they climbed the stairs up to Richie’s room, Jake still leading him by the hand.

Richie had only just pushed the door closed behind them when Jake was pressed back against him again, kissing him, more freely and passionately than he had at the bar.

Richie kissed back, still wrestling with the thoughts racing in his own head as Jake grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and walked backwards until his legs hit the bed, only briefly separating their lips so he could lie back on the bed and pull Richie on top of him.

Richie instinctively buried himself in Jake’s neck, pressing kisses and trying to focus on Jake’s soft moans to drown out his internal monologue.

Was this happening too fast? No, they were both young men in their early 20’s, this was exactly how fast things  _ should _ move. They were  _ supposed _ to be hot blooded and horny as hell, he was  _ supposed _ to want it exactly like this, he was  _ supposed _ to be thrilled. For fuck’s sake, he had a hot young guy underneath him in his fucking bed right now, a guy who wanted to have sex with him, what was the fucking problem?

Jake’s fingers had just started to brush the exposed skin where Richie’s shirt met his pants when Richie pulled away abruptly, holding himself up with a hand on either side of Jake’s head, looking down at him as they both panted. Jake raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“I, uh,” Richie croaked out, throat still dry as hell. “I gotta go take a piss. Be right back.”

He scrambled awkwardly off of the bed and ducked out of the room, darting into the bathroom next door and quickly closing the door behind him, wincing slightly at the loud slam it made before letting his head thump against it.

“Come on, Tozier. Get your fucking head in the game,” he muttered to himself angrily.

He turned to face himself in the mirror, placing his hands on the edge of the sink and leaning on it heavily, willing his breath to even out and his face to lose its redness.

What the hell was he doing? He had a pretty little thing waiting for him in the next room and he was in here talking himself down out of a panic attack. What was wrong with him?

Richie sighed deeply, pressing his palms over his eyes and trying to focus on the darkness.

To be perfectly honest, Richie had never really cared much for casual sex. He’d had plenty of hookups, he knew the territory, knew it well enough to know it wasn’t really his scene. He craved emotional connection, intimacy beyond the physical sense. Which is why he’d rather spend an evening watching crappy TV shows with Eddie and falling asleep on the couch together than fucking some random twink.

Eddie.

It really all came back to Eddie. Sex with someone else just never felt right when his heart belonged to Eddie.

But Eddie didn’t love him back. He had a boyfriend, he was happy, he had his own life, his own relationship.

Maybe it was time Richie did too.

After a pathetic attempt to fix his unruly hair, Richie exited the bathroom and made his way back to his own room, focusing all of his attention on keeping his shoulders back and fighting the instinct to hunch them.

Jake wasn’t on the bed when he walked back into the room, and for a brief moment Richie was sure that he’d gotten weirded out and left.

“For what  _ reason _ does a man your age need this much Gloria Estefan?”

Jake was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, crouched over Richie’s CD collection, going through them one by one and scoffing disapprovingly.

Richie huffed out a small laugh.

“Hey, she’s a gay icon. Plus you gotta admit “Turn the Beat Around” is a fucking jam,” Richie made his way over to Jake and sat down on the floor next to him.

Jake continued sorting through the CDs, muttering occasional judgments, before he stopped at one and looked up at Richie, an eyebrow quirked up in disbelief.

“New Kids on the Block? Really? Weren’t they outlawed back in the 80’s for being totally lame?”

“Now that one is honestly not mine. A friend left it at my old place and I’ve been waiting to give it back.”

“Yeah, sure it’s not,” Jake tossed it onto the pile with the others, shaking his head in secondhand embarrassment. “Richie Tozier, you have terrible taste.”

“Clearly you do too, since you went home with me,” Richie forced a laugh, wrapping his arms around his own legs and busying himself by looking at a stain on the wall.

He figured this was probably the point when Jake would excuse himself and leave, and Richie would spend the rest of the night listening to his crappy music. But instead Jake just offered him a kind smile and placed a hand on Richie’s knee.

Richie stared down at the hand on his knee. It was small, like Eddie’s hands. He felt comforted by the way it looked splayed out over his ripped jeans, the way the warmth of it radiated through the denim to his skin.

“Sorry about…” Richie swallowed hard, lifting his head up to meet Jake’s gaze. “About that whole freak out. It’s uh… it’s been a while, since I’ve… you know…”

He forced another laugh and looked away as Jake’s squeezed his knee comfortingly.

“Hey, it’s ok. Really. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot worse.”

They both laughed nervously, looking into each other’s eyes, still sitting on the floor, anticipation hanging thick and heavy in the air between them.

“I just…” Richie finally pressed on. “I just… I honestly have to know. Before this goes any further, I mean.”

Jake looked at him patiently, expectantly, as he gathered his thoughts.

“Is this a one-night stand?” He finally blurted out loudly, too loudly. The words spilled out of him messily. “Like, I just have to know, if, you know, when I wake up in the morning, you’re gonna be gone and I’m never gonna see you again.”

Richie buried his hands in his own hair, feeling his cheeks flush as he stared down at the carpet in front of him. God, why was he so awkward? Why couldn’t he just have a hookup and go with the flow like a normal person? 

Jake just laughed softly and rubbed Richie’s knee.

“Well, full disclosure, I do have to meet some friends to study in the morning. Though that has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with my failing grade in economics,” Richie smiled a bit as Jake continued to run his fingers over his knee. “But... maybe we could get lunch after? There’s a great place near the UC campus.”

Richie finally raised his head up to meet Jake’s gaze, still smiling tentatively.

“I’d like that.”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yeah.”

Jake leaned in, smiling toothily. Richie could feel his breath ghosting over his face..

Good,” Jake breathed out against Richie’s lips. “That’s what I want too.”

Richie closed the gap between them and met Jake with a kiss, this one slower and softer than the hungry kisses they had exchanged before. His stomach was still fluttering with nerves, but he no longer felt completely overcome with anxiety like he had a few minutes ago. 

“Do you want to have sex tonight?” Jake asked as he pulled away from the kiss, looking sincerely into Richie’s eyes. “It’s totally fine if you don’t. Sorry if I was… assuming.”

He finished with a shrug, and Richie placed his hand on top of Jake’s where it was still resting on his knee.

“I do,” Richie responded honestly. He did. He was at least 85% sure of it. “I’m just... nervous. Sorry.”

“That’s ok,” Jake moved back in for another kiss. “Just relax.”

They stayed there on the floor for a bit longer, kissing slowly and chastely, before Jake slid his tongue back into Richie’s mouth and started moving his lips against Richie’s more sexually.

Eventually he pulled away, grabbing hold of both of Richie’s hands and standing up, pulling Richie to his feet as well before leading him back over to the bed, this time pushing Richie down onto his back and climbing on top of him, straddling him as he kissed him and ground slowly down against him.

Richie could feel himself growing hard, and he knew Jake could tell because he soon was running a hand down Richie’s front to rest on the front of his pants, rubbing and squeezing gently, making Richie moan into his mouth at the sensation.

“I knew you were gonna have a big dick,” he murmured against Richie’s lips and Richie couldn’t help the shiver that wracked his body as he laughed modestly.

Jake pulled back and sat up to unbuckle Richie’s belt and undo his jeans, then got off the bed to pull his pants all the way off. Once he had dropped Richie’s jeans onto the floor, he grabbed the hem of his own shirt and pulled it up over his head, exposing his tanned, smooth body and making Richie’s mouth go dry.

They were doing this. Holy shit. They were really doing this.

“I, uh,” Richie rasped out, cringing at the sound of his own voice. “I don’t have any condoms. Sorry, like I said, it’s been a while.”

“It’s ok, I’ve got one.” Jake reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled it back out holding a condom, raising it up between two fingers to show to Richie before dropping it onto the bed next to Richie’s hip. “You have lube though right?”

“Oh I definitely do,” Richie reached over to his nightstand and opened the drawer. “Got plenty of that…. I almost feel bad for cheating on my hand tonight.”

Jake laughed as he took off his own pants and crawled back up Richie’s body to kiss him again, one of his small hands cradling Richie’s face. Richie wrapped both arms around his body and pulled Jake flush against his chest, their bare legs now tangling together on the bed.

It felt so good to hold someone in his arms again. He had been telling the truth, it had been a  _ long _ time since he’d been with anyone, and while he wasn’t a big fan of casual sex, he did miss this: intimacy. Just being close with someone, physically and emotionally. Holding someone close and keeping them safe and warm.

Jake pulled away a little too soon for his liking, but after all, they weren’t just here to cuddle, they’d both established that.

So Richie efficiently removed his own shirt and tossed it aside before reaching for the waistband of Jake’s underwear, pulling them down part way and then letting Jake take them all the way off. He slicked his fingers up liberally with lube and reached around behind Jake, really taking his time to finger him open slowly; Jake wasn’t lying, he did have a big dick, and he wanted this to be as comfortable for him as possible. Once he was stretched out and panting and grinding down on Richie’s fingers, Richie pulled his hand away and helped Jake to push down his boxers enough that his cock was free. Jake gave him oral for a couple minutes before he grabbed up the condom and opened it with his teeth, rolling it down onto Richie’s cock and slicking him up with more lube. He lined himself up on top of Richie, one hand splayed out across Richie’s bare chest, the other planted firmly on the wall above the headboard, and with Richie’s hands guiding his hips, he sank down all the way, throwing his head back and moaning at the sensation.

Richie lasted an embarrassingly short time once Jake started bouncing up and down on him, but Jake didn’t seem to mind, he just grabbed his own dick when he felt Richie coming inside of him, finishing himself off right after.

Richie discarded the used condom and cleaned them up with his own shirt, sliding back into bed next to Jake and pulling the blanket over both of them, both of them still catching their breath.

“That was…” Richie swallowed thickly, turning on his side to face Jake. “Really good.”

He figured that was the kind of thing you were supposed to say after sex? Still, he cringed as the words left his mouth, but thankfully Jake just laughed breathlessly and turned on his side to face him.

“Yeah. It was.”

Richie hesitated before putting an arm around Jake’s body, not knowing if he was a cuddler, but thankfully Jake melted into his chest, making Richie sigh in contentment.

He stroked Jake’s back, slowly and gently, until he heard his breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep, then buried his face in Jake’s hair, inhaling that fruity scent that was now mixed with the smell of sweat.

It had been so long since he had been able to fall asleep with someone, anyone, in his arms, and for the first time in a long time, Richie was able to dodge the grips of insomnia and quickly fall into the sweet embrace of sleep, feeling content at having a nice, warm, body to curl up with.

-

“Man, I hope Stan and Patty didn’t overdo it. Doesn’t he have to go in to work tomorrow?”

“Mmm,” Eddie hummed in response, only half paying attention to Steve as he unlocked the front door to their new place and walked inside, Steve trailing behind him.

He didn’t know why, but he was very much hoping to see Richie’s coat and shoes, and  _ only _ Richie’s coat and shoes, in their entryway.

He wasn’t naive, he’d been watching Richie dance with that guy, and kiss that guy, and he’d seen them leave together. Obviously they were going to hook up. But for some reason his stomach felt like a knot when he saw the blue jacket that guy had been wearing, hung up in his house, right there next to Richie’s. He looked down as Steve closed the door behind them, and sure enough, right there in front of him was a foreign pair of shoes. Richie had clearly had him take them off in respect of Eddie’s ‘no shoes in the house’ rule.

Eddie’s hands balled into fists, fighting the impulsive urge to grab the coat and shoes, open the door back up and throw them as hard as he could out into the street. He wanted them  _ out _ of his house, and now.

He felt Steve slide the coat from his shoulders and hang it up, only managing to mumble halfhearted gratitude. He was so distracted he almost broke his own rule and went up the stairs with his shoes still on.

His eyes bore a hole into the door to Richie’s room as he walked past it. It was late now, and dead silent, but Eddie could almost swear he could hear the thump of two distinct heartbeats coming from behind that door, like the heart under the floorboards from that weird ass poem.

He took a scalding hot shower and scrubbed furiously at his skin, almost as if he could unclog his pores and release all these weird, uncomfortable feelings that were coursing through his body.

Steve was in bed when he came back into his room, lying up against the headboard and reading, and Eddie slid silently into bed next to him, turning off the bedside lamp and turning away from him towards the wall.

He heard Steve drop the book onto the floor, then felt his arm wrap around him as Steve pressed up against him from behind, laying open-mouthed kisses to the back and side of his neck as he ran a hand slowly up and down Eddie’s front.

Eddie went rigid under his touch.

Shit. Of course Steve thought they were going to have sex tonight. Eddie had been giving all the right signals all night long… well, at least until Richie started dancing with that guy…

He mulled it over for about a minute and a half, considering his options. He could just go for it, and try to make it really fast, they’d both been drinking so they probably wouldn’t last long anyway. But to be perfectly honest, Eddie wasn’t sure he could get it up at all right now. He was just… in too weird of a headspace. He also briefly considered just giving Steve a blowjob, but the thought of giving unenthusiastic head to his boyfriend right now just seemed kind of depressing.

He grabbed Steve’s hand, stilling it on his chest.

“Hey, babe, I’m sorry, I’m just not really in the mood. I think maybe I drank too much.”

There was a moment of palpable silence. He was sure Steve knew something was up, that that wasn’t the entire truth, and for a moment Eddie was worried he would press.

“That’s fine, baby. I love you. Goodnight.”

“I love you too,” Eddie responded automatically.

Of course he wasn’t going to push him. Steve was a good guy. He wouldn't do that to Eddie.

Eddie blinked into the darkness as Steve drifted off to sleep, an arm still wrapped around Eddie’s middle. It wasn’t a lie that he was a bit drunk, but despite his intoxication, he felt wired. He just couldn’t stop thinking about how in the room over Richie was wrapped up with someone. Some dude he barely even knew, a guy he’d just met at a club a few hours earlier, and then had taken back into their home.

On the one hand he knew he should be happy for him, like Stan and Patty were. They had kept talking back at the club about how they were so glad Richie was finally getting laid, that he had finally found someone he was interested in. 

Eddie had just been dead silent, feeling he had nothing to contribute because he wasn’t happy for Richie like his friends were. He felt… strange. There was a heavy feeling inside him when he watched Richie dance with that guy, a feeling that was still there as he now lay in bed with his boyfriend. A feeling he couldn’t even begin to identify, let alone explain.

Was he just being protective? That must be it. This must have been how everyone else had felt when he’d first started dating Steve. This must be what made them all be so cold to him when they first met him.

Of course he was protective of Richie. They’d been friends for… well, forever. He didn’t want him to get hurt. I mean, he didn’t even know this guy he’d gone home with tonight. Still, they were all adults here. He owed it to Richie to make an effort, just like everyone had made an effort with Steve, despite their trepidations with him.

Eddie rolled over and curled into Steve’s chest, burying his face into his neck and inhaling his scent, sighing in contentment. Being held by his boyfriend always relaxed him.

He would meet this guy in earnest tomorrow (what was his name? Jack?) and invite him out to breakfast with them. He would give him a chance, just like everyone gave his boyfriend a chance.

That was, if the guy was even there in the morning. Maybe by the time they got up, this guy (Jack?) would already be gone. Maybe he would have taken his stupid coat and stupid shoes and fucked off. 

But it had been a long, eventful day, and Eddie didn’t even want to explore why he hoped so much that that would be the case, so he focused on Steve’s breathing and tried to match his own to it.

He was still trying when the sun began peaking its way through the curtains and he heard Richie’s unmistakable laughter down the hall as he woke up with his new lover.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is finally here! Thank you everyone for your patience, I've been in the process of moving back to the United States from England, where I was living for the past 2 years, which would be difficult enough without... everything else that's happening. That being said, I really hope this is a welcome distraction for y'all during your time of self-isolation!  
> Also a big thanks to user bebe8s for proofreading this chapter and the previous one, and to exercisingpotato for, well, absolute everything, not just now but for many many years.

Richie stared at the bottom of his glass, examining the remaining ice cubes like he was trying to divine the future from them.

He checked his watch again. It felt like time was moving slower than it usually did, but that’s probably just how it felt when you got stood up.

Richie mentally chastised himself with a sigh and swirled a finger around the ice in his empty glass. Jake was _not_ standing him up. He was very busy studying for his finals; getting good grades meant a lot to him and he sometimes got caught up and forgot about plans he’d made with his boyfriend.

His boyfriend… or whatever exactly it was that they were. They’d been seeing each other for seven months, and they’d established that they weren’t seeing anyone else, but any time Richie referred to Jake as his boyfriend, Jake got suddenly uncomfortable, asking why they had to put a label on things. And since the only answer Richie had to that question was ‘to prevent my crippling anxiety from literally consuming me alive like a man-eating alligator’, and that didn’t seem like the most sane response, he usually just agreed with Jake that they didn’t need to put a label on it.

Well, maybe they should put a label on it for situations like this. Because he wasn’t sure if his boyfriend had blown him off for the fifth time in two weeks, or just his… whatever… had blown him off for the fifth time in two weeks.

Not that Richie was keeping track or anything.

He checked his watch again. It was 8. They were supposed to meet here at 6 for dinner and drinks before heading over to Stan and Patty’s place together. At this point it was probably safe to say Jake just wasn’t coming. Plus he didn’t want to keep everyone else waiting.

Richie tossed some cash on the counter to cover the drinks he’d been nursing for the last two hours before heading out and starting the walk over to Stan and Patty’s place. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched so far he probably looked like he belonged in a bell tower in Notre Dame, but he couldn’t bring himself to care what he was doing to his posture (even though Eddie always scolded him for slouching).

Part of him had been expecting this; recently he had come to accept that when he made plans with Jake, there was at least a 50% chance he just wouldn’t show. But this was a special occasion: Stan and Patty had just gotten engaged, and the whole gang had flown in to celebrate. It was the first time they had all been in the same place for years, and it was supposed to be an opportunity to introduce Jake to all his closest friends. He’d really hoped it would be a turning point for them as a couple. As silly as it might sound, for Richie, introducing the person he was dating to the whole group felt like a big deal. Like it was really taking his relationship to the next level.

Plus he’d already told everyone he was bringing Jake, and now he was going to show up all by himself, which meant he was going to have to answer some questions.

Fuck. 

It wasn’t that his relationship with Jake was bad. They had a lot of fun together. He was a little spitfire who was always down for an adventure, and he was great at pushing Richie out of his comfort zone and encouraging him to try new things. He was also very supportive of Richie; he made it to almost every one of Richie’s shows and often brought his friends along as well. He always told Richie what a great job he did, even when he bombed. When they were together, Richie was always happy. 

Richie kicked an empty beer can into the gutter bitterly as he continued down the street.

He just wished he knew how to make it like that all the time. It was like Jake was a code he couldn’t quite crack.

It would have made more sense to take a bus or a train, but Richie walked all the way to the home where Stan and Patty were currently hosting all of their friends, trying his best to prolong the inevitable.

Stan and Patty’s new place was an honest to goodness house in the Chicago suburbs, and it looked warm and inviting as Richie walked up to it from the street. He could hear rambunctious laughter and chatter all the way from the front porch, and just the sound of it made Richie’s heart warm and his shoulders fall back as he stood up straighter.

They were all here, and that’s what really mattered.

Patty was the one who answered the door, which Richie was grateful for, because she was far too polite to ask why he was by himself. She just pulled him into the living room where he was immediately tackled in a group hug by all of his friends, even Eddie and Stan who he had seen only a matter of hours ago.

Something just felt so right when they were all back together. It was like sliding the final piece into a jigsaw puzzle and making a complete picture.

Over the next few hours, bottle after bottle of champagne was popped, countless stories were exchanged, jokes were made, lives were realigned as they caught up on each other’s careers and families and relationships. Bill had brought Audra, and she and Beverly fawned over Patty’s ring. Beverly had not brought Tom, but none of them cared enough about him to inquire into his absence. Mike had unfortunately broken up with Lola since they’d last seen him, but he did bring album after album of pictures he’d taken around the world and they all poured over them and expressed jealousy at the amazing adventures he’d had in his travels. Ben announced that he’d been promoted at the architecture firm where he was working, to a new position that was going to allow him a lot more creative control than he’d had previously.

Richie was drunk and happy and feeling safe and warm and loved, and he was so caught up in being happy for his friends and glad to be with them again that it almost felt like a slap in the face when Bill leaned in and loudly got everyone’s attention.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute! I thought Richie here said he was gonna be bringing his boyfriend. Are we really not gonna get to meet the guy who’s managed to make an honest man out of our Trashmouth?”

Richie felt a lump form in his throat as all of his friends turned to look at him expectantly. Suddenly feeling stone-cold sober, he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and laughed nervously, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“Yeah, uh, sorry about that,” he pushed his glasses up on his nose purely out of nervous habit. “He wanted to meet you guys, he just, uh, got caught up studying. He’s still in college, so…”

He trailed off and raised his glass back up to his lips, downing the rest of his champagne, hoping the subject would drop, but he heard the unmistakable sound of Eddie scoffing.

“Jesus, isn’t that, like, the fourth time he’s blown you off? Recently?”

Richie felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment and annoyance at Eddie for saying that in front of everybody.

“No, it’s not,” Richie responded defensively. (It was actually the fifth time, but whatever.) “And he didn’t blow me off. He studies a lot, and he’s got finals coming up, and he just gets caught up and forgets about our plans sometimes.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to say something in response, but Richie beat him to it.

“Where exactly is _your_ boyfriend, Eddie?” he challenged.

“He needed to plan a date night for tomorrow,” Eddie answered easily, chin upturned slightly and arms folded in front of his chest. “It’s our anniversary and he wants to do something special. He said it’s a surprise and he needed time to get it ready.”

Thankfully Bev jumped in at that moment to ask Patty to tell the proposal story, leaving Richie eternally grateful to her for bailing him out of the awkward situation. As much as he didn’t want to answer questions about his relationship, he especially did not want to hear about Eddie’s. Eddie seemed to talk about his relationship a lot more since Richie had started seeing Jake; before he had mostly kept the details to himself, but in the last seven months he had been a lot more free when it came to sharing the details of his love life. Richie figured Eddie had been holding back before because he hadn’t wanted to rub his relationship in Richie’s face when Richie was single.

It was frustrating, though, because he still hated to hear about Eddie and Steve, even now that he had someone of his own. He just hated hearing Eddie talk about how perfect Steve was and all the amazing things he did.

It made him sick.

Everyone was still engrossed in listening to Patty, so Richie was easily able to get up and slip out of the living room and into the kitchen for another drink. He checked all the open bottles on the counter and found them all to be empty before popping the cork on another bottle of champagne. He began pouring it into the glass before stopping abruptly.

“Fuck it,” Richie murmured to himself, bringing the champagne bottle up to his lips and throwing his head back, taking a long drink.

He heard a chorus of laughter from the living room as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve, but it didn’t feel comforting like before. He felt suddenly smothered, almost suffocated by being in this house with his friends, and he hated that he felt that way.

Struck with the abrupt need for some space and some fresh air, he slipped out into the foyer and carefully opened the door, closing it quietly behind him.

He sighed deeply once he was outside, taking a few calming breaths of the cool night air before sitting on one of the chairs on the front porch and taking another long drink from the bottle in his hand.

He couldn’t help but feel a little angry with Jake for not showing up tonight, even though he knew it wasn’t fair. It was his senior year and he was working hard to maintain his magna cum laude status, and UC was a tough school, everyone knew that. It was his job as a boyfriend to be understanding and supportive.

Although that might be a little bit easier if he knew for sure that he actually was Jake’s boyfriend.

He wasn’t naive though, he knew Jake was out of his league. He was smart, handsome, funny, charismatic… he should be grateful that Jake wanted to be with him at all.

“Hey man, you doing alright out here?”

Richie looked up to see Bill’s head poking out from the front door, a look of genuine concern on his handsome, boyish face.

“Yeah. Sorry. I just felt like I needed a little fresh air. I’ll come back in in a minute.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Bill came all the way out onto the porch, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat in the chair next to Richie. “It’s kinda wild, having everyone back together again. I mean, it’s amazing, but it’s almost a little overwhelming. Like, emotionally.”

Richie nodded in agreement and offered the bottle of champagne to Bill, who took it from him and took a swig.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, looking out on the dark suburban street and listening to the muffled voices of their friends inside, passing the bottle back and forth between them.

“I’m really sorry about what I said back in there,” Bill finally offered. “Asking about your boyfriend, I didn’t know… I mean, I didn’t mean to embarrass you like that.”

Richie smiled slightly, gazing wistfully down at his own shoes and playing with a loose string on his jacket.

“It’s okay, Bill. Really.”

A beat of silence hung between them.

“And he’s not really my boyfriend, anyway.”

Bill looked at him patiently, but Richie just kept staring down at his shoes. He’d wound the loose string around his finger so tightly he could feel his circulation being cut off.

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Richie sighed heavily, squeezing his eyes shut. He did want to talk about it. He wanted to talk about it so badly he thought he would burst. And he especially wanted to talk about it with Bill, his oldest friend, his friend who had always been there for him for as long as he could remember, a friend who was almost like a big brother to him, even though they were the same age.

He just didn’t know where to even start.

Bill just waited patiently, seemingly undisturbed by the silence that was hanging between them.

Eventually he reached an arm around and placed his hand comfortingly between Richie’s shoulder blades, and for some reason the simple gesture almost made Richie want to cry.

“What… what Eddie said back there,” Richie finally began. “He’s not totally wrong. Jake, my boyfriend, or whatever he is, he’s been blowing me off lately. Kind of a lot.”

Richie swallowed hard, and Bill moved his hand soothingly up and down his back, listening attentively.

“But… it’s not really like that. Like… I know it sounds bad. But, the thing is, he’s an honors student at one of the top universities in the country. He’s studying for his last finals. His education means a lot to him, and I know that, and I understand that. It’s just… it hurts.”

Bill nodded slightly, still looking at him. Richie felt himself melt into the touch of his hand. It just felt so nice to be able to get all this out, and not be interrupted, or worry about someone judging his relationship.

He really missed Bill for a lot of reasons, but especially for this. He missed his presence, always so solid and comforting.

“I guess I just don’t have a perfect boyfriend who takes an entire evening to plan a date night,” Richie finished with a scoff, tilting his head back to drain the last of the bottle of champagne in his hand.

Bill huffed in response.

“Oh please. Steve’s nice and all, but he’s basically the human equivalent of an unfrosted pop tart. His date night is probably just gonna be teaching Eddie how to make an Excel spreadsheet.”

Richie chuckled in response, setting the now empty bottle of champagne down by his feet. He leaned in to Bill’s side, and Bill wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he continued after a moment. “Jake’s great, he really is. I know he’s not ignoring me on purpose, he just really cares about school, and that’s great. Like, I just want to be supportive, right? And I definitely don’t want to be all needy or whatever, but I just want to spend time with him, ya know?”

Bill nodded in affirmation.

“I get it. I really do. Audra sometimes does the same thing, actually,” he paused for a moment, waiting to see if Richie actually wanted advice or if he’d just wanted to vent, but Richie made a noise for him to continue. 

“Turns out being a working actress isn’t as glamorous as you would think,” Bill said with a small laugh. “There’s been more than a few times when I had dinner waiting for her at home and ended up eating cold pizza by myself because what was supposed to be an 8 hour day on set turned into 14 hours. And it’s even worse when she’s preparing for a big audition. Sometimes she doesn’t even come to bed at night because she was up so late researching a role and fell asleep on the couch. It’s tough, I know. It makes you feel like you’re shunted off to the side on the second place podium. But then you hate feeling that way, because more than anything you really do want them to succeed and be happy.”

Richie didn’t even realize how much he’d been craving validation for his feelings, but now that he had it, it felt like a weight was lifted off of his chest. Just knowing that someone else had these same issues, these same feelings… it meant he wasn’t crazy, which was a nice feeling, because Richie spent at least 50% of his life wondering if he was crazy.

“I just… I want him to know that I understand, and that I’m there for him, and that I support him. I just don’t know how.”

Bill nodded again, looking at Richie understandingly.

“It’s hard to know what to do, I know. And every relationship is different, but with Audra I just try to offer help whenever I can. You know, stay up late with her and help her run lines. Stop by the set and bring her coffee. Stuff like that. Like, you can tell a person over and over that you support them, but it really is the gestures, even small gestures, that show how much you care.”

“Hmm,” Richie mulled over the advice. He hadn’t really considered trying to make a gesture, probably because it felt a little weird when he wasn’t even exactly sure what their relationship status was. 

But maybe that was the exact thing that would help to show Jake that he was boyfriend material. Maybe that was what would finally take this relationship to the next level.

“Thanks Bill,” he grabbed Bill’s hand and squeezed, smiling at him fondly. “I really needed this.”

The two of them revelled in the rare serious moment between them for a bit longer before the front door cracked open again and Audra poked her head out looking for Bill.

“Surprise!” Richie wrapped both arms around Bill, pulling him tightly into his chest, despite his resistance. “I’ve stolen your boyfriend away. I guess living in Hollywood turned him gay, just like it did to Jonathan Taylor Thomas.”

“Jonathan Taylor Thomas isn’t gay, you dumbass,” Bill fired back, squirming out of his embrace.

“He’s not? Damn, what a waste.”

They followed Audra back into the house, talking and laughing, and happily joined their friends back in the living room where Eddie and Stan were in a heated debate about whether almond milk or soy milk was the superior dairy alternative.

-

Richie had been over to Jake’s dorm only a couple of times (they’d made the valiant attempt to sleep together one night in his dorm room bed), but enough to know that one of the side doors to the building had a broken lock. He easily let himself in and started to make his way up the stairwell.

Jake had called Richie late last night to apologize profusely for standing him up at the restaurant, but had also said he wouldn’t be able to hang out today because he had to spend all day studying for his biochemistry final. It was a tough class, and a tough subject. Richie knew that as well as anybody because he had spent all night giving himself a crash course in the subject at the public library and making a massive stack of flashcards by hand to help Jake study. It was tough; Richie hadn’t taken a chemistry course since his own sophomore year of college, but he was determined to get a grasp on the information, at least enough that he could be a proper study buddy for Jake.

He smiled proudly down at the flashcards in his hand as he ascended the final flight of stairs. This was exactly the kind of thing Bill had talked about: showing support through gestures. He was showing Jake that he cared and that he was going to be there for him however he could to help him be successful.

“Thank you, Bill,” Richie muttered to himself as he started down the hallway to Jake’s room. Maybe he could even take Jake out to dinner tonight after they’d mastered the material and he was feeling confident about the test.

He stopped in front of Jake’s door, wondering if he should knock or just walk right in. Jake didn’t know he was coming, but he was sure he’d be there. He’d assured Richie that today he would be ‘holed up in his room with a textbook until he forgot what the sun looked like’.

Eventually deciding to knock just in case, he raised a hand up and rapped his knuckles three quick times on the wooden door.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Miles,” he heard Jake’s voice call from inside the room. “Whatever you forgot, I promise it’s not that important. I’m a bit busy right now, just fucking go away. You’re a moron.”

Richie snickered slightly. He’d met Jake’s roommate, Miles, once before, and of course that’s who he thought it was.

“It’s me, babe,” Richie called through the door. “But if I do see Miles I’ll be sure to relay the message to him.”

There was a moment of silence from inside.

“ _Shit_ ,” he heard Jake hiss, and Richie’s heart dropped. 

“Hey, look, I’m not mad about last night, really,” he said assuringly into the door. “I understand, I’m over it, I’m not here to give you any shit for that, I promise. I know you’re studying, but I came to help you. I brought flashcards.”

There was another heavy silence and Richie heard some rustling from inside the room.

“Um. Maybe you should come back later…”

Richie’s brow furrowed. This was not going the way he’d planned it out in his head.

“No, really. I’m here to help. I want to help you study, Jake.”

He laid a hand on the doorknob and turned it experimentally. Finding it unlocked, he went ahead and pushed it open.

Richie blinked rapidly as he took in the sight in front of him. It was almost like he had just walked inside after being out in the sun and his eyes needed to adjust, except he could physically see just fine. He could see, but it took a minute to fully comprehend the sight that was in front of him.

To say that Jake was in a compromising position would be an understatement. He was lying on his bed on his back with his shirt off and his pants partially unbuttoned, which by itself wasn’t necessarily a problem.

The problem was the other shirtless guy who was in bed with him, or rather, on top of him.

Richie vaguely recognized him as one of Jake’s school friends. Jake had actually brought him to one or two of Richie’s shows. His name was Mark or Matt or something like that. And while Jake at least had the decency to look embarrassed at being caught in this situation, Mark or Matt or whatever was just leering at Richie over his shoulder, seemingly annoyed at being interrupted.

Having seen enough, Richie turned on his heel and began to walk quickly back down the hall, not even bothering to close the door, hoping he got away before either of them could see the tears that were starting to spring up in the corners of his eyes.

“Richie, wait!”

Richie ignored him, throwing open the door to the stairwell and starting down the stairs as quickly as he safely could. He clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a sob as tears began to escape his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

“Richie, _fuck_ , come on, just wait!”

He hadn’t even realized Jake was chasing after him, but he somehow managed to catch up to him on the last flight of stairs, despite the fact that he was buttoning up his pants and pulling on a shirt at the same time.

He grabbed onto Richie’s arm, stopping him in his tracks, but Richie yanked his arm out of his grip, turning to face him, face red and streaked with angry tears.

“If you didn’t want to date me anymore you could have just said so,” he said coldly, glaring down at Jake with cloudy vision.

“Who says I don’t want to date you anymore?” 

“I think you just said that loud and clear,” Richie gestured back up the stairs to where Mark, or Matt, or whatever the fuck his name was, was surely still waiting in Jake’s bed to finish what Richie had interrupted.

Jake heaved a sigh and closed his eyes, pressing his thumb and pointer finger over his eyelids.

“Jesus Richie, this is why I didn’t want to put a label on things,” he sounded exasperated, which only made Richie more upset. “And we didn’t. We never labeled this. I’m _not_ your boyfriend, I was always clear about that.”

Richie crossed his arms defensively, sniffing.

“We said we weren’t seeing other people. We said we were only seeing each other.”

“Richie, I only said that because you kept freaking out about it,” he dragged his hand back through his dark brown hair. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, you're great, but you do freak out over, like, everything. Jesus, do you literally not know how to calm down?” 

On some level Richie knew he was right, but he still visibly winced at his words.

“I’m sorry, that came out a lot harsher than I meant for it to,” he reached a hand out towards Richie’s arm, then seemed to think the better of it and placed it back in his own hair instead. “Look, Richie, I like you. I do. I never lied about that. I want to keep seeing you. Hell, you can even call me your boyfriend, if that’s what you really want. But I’m just not ready to be exclusive. I mean, fuck, I’m a 21 year old gay guy from rural Missouri living in Chicago, why would I want to be tied down to just one person? Why would you? Isn’t this like, the dream? To have a relationship but still be able to see other people?”

Not for Richie it wasn’t.

Richie raised up the arm that was still holding the stack of flashcards in a death grip and shoved them roughly into Jake’s chest, letting them fall down onto the floor and cascade down the stairs.

“Here, I spent all fucking night making these for you. You might as well get some use out of them.”

And with that he turned on his heel once again and descended the stairs, only vaguely hearing Jake call after him again as he flung the door open and stepped back outside, walking purposefully away from the building, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched, not even bothering to wipe away the tears that continued to pour down his face in streams.

-

After leaving Jake’s dorm, Richie was halfway to Stan and Patty’s place before he even fully realized where he was going. Some cardinal sense of direction within him was leading him to his friends. 

If there was ever a time when he needed them, this was it.

He was still crying when he showed up on their front porch, but Stan just pulled him wordlessly into the house and sat him down in the living room. They were all staying with Stan and Patty while they were in town, so they were all there, with the exception of Eddie, who Richie knew was back at their place getting ready for his anniversary date with Steve. They all gathered around him, Beverly sitting on one side of him on the couch, Stan on the other, each holding one of his hands, with Bill, Mike, and Ben crouched on the floor in front of him, all of them touching him in some way, providing wordless comfort until he was calmed down enough to tell them what had happened.

He walked them through the whole story, starting with staying up all night last night at the library so he could surprise Jake to help him study, and ending with their altercation in the stairway of his dorm, and everything in between, having to pause occasionally to swallow down more waves of tears.

Bill’s face twisted up with guilt, clearly linking the advice he had given Richie last night to his decision to do this for Jake in the first place, but Richie looked at him assuringly, pleading for him to understand that this was not his fault and Richie did not blame him for this happening.

They all sat in silence for a bit, then Stan stood up and helped Richie to lie down on the couch, covering him with a blanket.

“You should try to rest,” he said soothingly. “You were up all night last night. That’s not helping anything.”

Stan. Always so goddamn logical, almost infuriatingly so.

Still, Richie couldn’t deny that he was absolutely fucking exhausted in every possible way, and he let his eyelids flutter closed as he felt various hands rub over him soothingly, lulling him to sleep.

It was dark out when he woke up, and he could hear voices talking softly in the kitchen. Someone had taken his glasses off and put them on the coffee table in front of him. Richie grabbed them up and put them back on his face.

“How are you feeling?”

Beverly was perched on the arm of the couch down by his feet, looking down at him with an expression of sympathy, but not pity.

“Shitty,” Richie answered flatly. It was true, but at least he didn’t feel like crying anymore. He felt all cried out.

“Understandable,” Bev stroked his leg comfortingly. “We were thinking we could all just stay in tonight, order food, watch some movies, make a big nest on the floor with pillows and blankets… you know, like the old days.”

“That… sounds incredible,” Richie answered honestly. He knew things would never be like they were, but it would be nice to pretend, just for one night.

Beverly smiled down at him and squeezed his foot before hopping to her feet and heading back into the kitchen.

“I’ll go see if Stan has some takeout menus we can look through. And I hope you like your pizza with a side of sushi, because if you think we’re ordering from just one place, you got another thing coming, Trashmouth.”

Richie smiled and laughed, sitting up on the couch and stretching. Stan was right, he really did feel better after sleeping. Not great, but better.

“Ugh, didn’t we make it a rule that Bev is no longer allowed to be in charge of ordering food? Last time we had leftovers for a month.”

Richie’s brow furrowed in confusion at Eddie, who was now standing in the doorway and leaning against the side, shaking his head back at Bev in the kitchen.

Eddie. What the hell was he doing here?

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, nice seeing you too,” Eddie quirked a smile as he made his way over to Richie and sat next to him on the couch.

Richie stared at him in disbelief and blinked slowly, half wondering if he was still asleep and dreaming.

“Eddie, seriously,” Richie inquired breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”

He could only stare at the man sitting next to him on the couch, almost wanting to reach out and touch him to ensure that he was really there.

“Stan called and told me what happened,” Eddie answered softly, sympathetically. “I came straight over.”

Richie swallowed hard.

“But… shouldn’t you be on an anniversary date? One that apparently took a whole day to plan?”

Eddie smiled and reached over, placing a small hand on Richie’s knee. Richie just continued to stare into his deep brown eyes, mouth slightly agape in disbelief.

“I told Steve we’d have to reschedule. I’m gonna have to take him out for an insanely nice dinner tomorrow night to make it up to him, which means I might need you to spot me on the rent this month, but Richie, this is more important than any anniversary surprise could ever be. _You_ are more important.”

Richie definitely had no more tears left in his entire body, because if he did, he would certainly have started crying again. They stayed there on the couch, looking into each other’s eyes, Eddie’s hand rubbing Richie’s knee soothingly, for what felt like a lifetime, before Bev finally came back in the room to get their takeout orders.

After ordering food, they all gathered in the living room to pick what movies they wanted to watch, which always turned into an ordeal. There were seven of them and they all had vastly different tastes, which is why they usually just ended up watching seven different movies in succession.

Stan went up to the bedrooms and grabbed all the blankets and pillows and between them and the couch cushions they almost completely covered the living room floor. They all splayed out once the takeout arrived, eating and laughing and barely even watching the movies they had fought for, and eventually they all drifted off to sleep, curled up with one another, happy, content, and without a care or concern in the entire world that they couldn’t face together.

-

“Eddie, come on, hurry the fuck up! I’m growing a full beard out here!”

Richie pounded on the bathroom door with his fist. He could hear Eddie cussing him out in defiance, but he also heard the water shut off.

A minute later Eddie flung the door open, wrapped in a towel and surrounded by billowing steam from the shower. Richie, who was leaning against the door jam and exaggeratedly looking at his watch, earned a smack to the center of his chest before Eddie squeezed past him out of the bathroom.

“Fucking finally. I didn’t realize you needed to rinse all the sand out of your vagina.”

Richie entered the bathroom and threw the door shut behind him, muffling Eddie’s angry retort.

There actually was no rush, he wasn’t meeting the others for another couple hours. But the banter with Eddie felt like a return to normalcy for him.

He genuinely was feeling better today. Something inside him was still a bit raw, and he definitely had to actively avoid trying to think about Jake, but waking up surrounded by all of his friends this morning and riding the subway home with Eddie, talking and making each other laugh… it had really jump-started the healing process. He wasn’t feeling nearly so heartbroken.

Richie turned the shower back on and stripped out of his clothes before hopping in and beginning to scrub himself down, breathing in the steam deeply. He was already looking forward to seeing everyone again, even though it has only been a few hours since he’d left Stan and Patty’s place. They were all meeting at a restaurant near the city center tonight, some place Ben had picked out that did craft cocktails. Everyone with the exception of Eddie, who of course had to go on his makeup date with Steve tonight.

There was a knock on the front door as Richie was exiting the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, and a now dressed Eddie bounded past him down the stairs to answer it. He was wearing a simple outfit of jeans and a t-shirt with a hoodie over the top, cute but casual. Apparently he had tried to make a reservation at an extravagant restaurant for tonight, but Steve had insisted that was not necessary, so they were just going to a modest restaurant instead.

Steve, always the good guy, Richie couldn’t help thinking bitterly as Eddie flung open the front door and greeted his boyfriend with a kiss.

“Sorry again for last night, baby,” Eddie stood on his tiptoes to throw his arms around Steve’s neck. “I hope you didn’t spend too much money. Dinner’s on me tonight, obviously.”

“Don’t worry about it, Eddie. And you don’t need to pay tonight, it’s my turn anyway.”

Steve looked over the top of Eddie’s head at where Richie was entering his room at the top of the stairs and offered him a small wave, his mouth quirked up in what was probably a look of sympathy. It was difficult to tell; Steve was a bit hard to read, but he figured Eddie had probably clued him in on what had happened to Richie yesterday.

Richie gave him a small wave in return before retreating into his own room, leaving Eddie to leave for his makeup anniversary date with his boyfriend.

His heart felt a bit heavy again, but he put on some music to try to raise his spirits as he got dressed. He wanted to have a good time tonight. He wanted everyone to have a good time, and he didn’t want to be a downer.

He was feeling increasingly better as he rode the subway into the main part of the city. It was Saturday night and the Cubs were playing and he was surrounded by happy people. By the time he got to the restaurant, he couldn’t refrain from smiling to himself slightly. In spite of everything, he was so glad he had all of his friends here, and he was really looking forward to having a nice dinner and drinking the night away together, like they had so many times back in New York. 

The restaurant was exactly the kind of place Ben would pick out. It looked fun and contemporary, but still sensible.

 _It looks like where Patrick Bateman would take a date after a long day at the office,_ Richie thought to himself with a smile as he walked in the door, immediately spotting his friends crowded around the bar, engrossed in what looked like a deep conversation.

“Hey fellow yuppies,” Richie quipped as he approached, slinging one arm around Ben’s shoulders and the other around Mike’s. “Hope they have something other than gin martinis, because we are definitely doing shots tonight.”

“Richie,” Beverly said breathlessly, taking a step towards him. “We were actually just discussing where else we could go.”

“Yeah, we looked over the menu, and this place blows,” Stan agreed urgently. “We were just waiting for you so we could head out to another place.”

Richie’s brow furrowed. Stan looked… panicked, which was definitely a cause for concern if there ever was one. Richie had always figured if Stan was panicking, the whole damn world must be ending. He glanced over the rest of the group, and they seemed to be in a similar state of distress.

“Guys,” he laughed nervously. “What the hell is happening? This place seems fine.”

He looked them all over once again, trying to discern meaning from the private looks they were giving each other and the silent conversation they seemed to be having.

And then, just over Bill’s shoulder, he saw it. 

Jake. Of all the goddamn restaurants in all of goddamn Chicago, of course Jake was here. 

His heart sank as he slid his arms down from Ben and Mike’s shoulders, but he found himself glued to the scene in front of him, unable to look away. Jake was seated at a table with his usual group of friends, talking and laughing, passing around food and drinks.

He obviously wasn’t still bothered about the altercation he had had with Richie the day before, if he even had been in the first place. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Richie swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. It wasn’t even that he had thought Jake was going to be holed up in his room crying over him, but seeing him out acting as though nothing ever happened, as if he hadn’t just broken Richie’s heart less than 24 hours ago… it ripped open the wound all over again.

“I’m so sorry, Richie,” Mike placed a large hand on Richie’s shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. “Stan noticed him when we came in and told us who he was, we were gonna try to get you out of here before you saw him, but…”

Richie nodded in acknowledgement of Mike’s words, but like he was watching a car crash, he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jake. 

But of course with the eyes boring a hole into him, it was inevitable that Jake would eventually take notice and look over at him.

Richie’s stomach dropped as they made eye contact and he watched Jake go through a range of emotions at seeing him there, from shock and disbelief to obvious discomfort.

“Yeah,” Richie breathed out, finally finding his voice as he and Jake continued to stare at each other. “Let’s… let’s just go somewhere else.”

Everybody nodded and mumbled in agreement, grabbing coats and bags and beginning to move towards the exit, but Richie still felt glued to his spot; it was as if he had forgotten how his limbs worked as soon as he’d seen Jake there.

It was at this point that the group of friends Jake was sitting with finally took notice of his shocked state and followed his gaze, including the guy who was sitting with his back to Richie, who turned around in his chair to see what Jake was staring at.

 _Fuck_.

Richie’s hands balled into fists and he could feel his nails digging crescents into the skin of his palms.

It was fucking Mark.

Or fucking Matt.

Or whatever the fuck his fucking name was.

As if it wasn’t bad enough just seeing his stupid face again, this guy had the audacity to once again look angry and annoyed, as if Richie were the one inserting himself into a scenario in which he did not belong.

The sight of him apparently was what Richie finally needed to set his frozen body into motion, and he turned to accompany his group of friends to the exit of the restaurant, Mike’s hand still placed comfortingly on his shoulder. He wanted out of there. He wanted to be away from both of them.

In a flash, what’s-his-face had stood up from his chair, sending it across the wooden floor of the restaurant with a loud screech and causing everyone at the nearby tables to halt their conversations and take notice. He crossed the dining room floor in just a few long strides, planting himself in front of Richie and blocking his exit.

“Seriously? Are you a fucking stalker, dude? What the hell are you doing here?”

He was the same height as Richie, but it still felt as though he was towering over him, leering down at him angrily.

As much as Richie was witty and sharp in his comedy, as well as in most of his daily interactions with people, when faced with confrontation like this, all of that quick-wit seemed to fly out the window.

With both his fight and flight responses deactivated, Richie found himself only stammering in response, shifting nervously from one foot to the other, praying for an escape.

After realizing Richie wasn’t going to try to retaliate, what’s-his-face took a step even closer, almost pressing his chest against Richie’s in a challenge.

“First you show up at his dorm room like a fucking psycho, and now you’re here? Look man, take a fucking hint. He doesn’t want to be with you, you desperate fuck.”

Richie felt tears start to prick up at the corners of his eyes and he fought to contain them, determined not to cry in front of this guy, nor in front of all the patrons of this restaurant. At this point they were making enough of a scene that most people had stopped eating and were intently watching the drama unfold at the door.

“Max, what the hell are you doing? Leave him alone.”

Jake appeared suddenly at Max’s side, grabbing hold of his arm and attempting to pull him away from Richie, but he wasn’t budging an inch from where he was now mere inches from Richie’s face.

“You had your chance with him,” he sneered, his face now a cold smirk. “Obviously you couldn’t keep him satisfied. Now you’d better get the fuck out of here before I-“

Bev’s tiny fist came out of absolutely nowhere, surprising everyone as it made contact with the side of Max’s face with a loud crack, sending him stumbling to the side.

The ensuing scuffle was downright chaotic, a tangle of limbs full of yelling and swearing coming from all directions as several employees descended on the group of them and escorted them out of the restaurant and onto the sidewalk.

Once they were outside, Richie found himself springing into action, joining the rest of the guys in surrounding Bev to form a barrier in case Max tried to retaliate, which he did seem to be trying to do, despite his friends now physically restraining him.

“Stay the fuck away from Jake, asshole!” He yelled at Richie, fighting his way out of the grip of his friends.

“Max, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you completely out of your goddamn mind?” Jake was standing off to the side, seemingly wanting to physically distance himself from the man who was yelling and swearing at Richie. To be fair, he looked absolutely shocked and horrified.

Eventually Max wrestled his way out of the grasp of his friends and took off down the street, some of his friends chasing after him, some remaining behind and standing around awkwardly, unsure of what to do now.

“Fuck!” Jake exclaimed in exasperation, tangling his hands in his own hair before turning to Richie. 

“Richie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry... about all of this.”

There was a look of genuine remorse on his face as he took a step towards Richie, tentatively reaching a hand out towards his arm.

“Could… could we maybe go somewhere and talk? Just you and me?”

Richie bit his lip, wondering if he even still had enough fight left in him to decline.

“Look, Richie,” Jake continued, taking another small step towards him. “I fucked up. I can see that now. In fact I think that’s pretty fucking obvious from what just-“

“I think maybe you should just stay the hell away from Richie,” Bill bit out coldly from where he and Ben were attending to Bev’s hand, his tone stopping Jake in his tracks. “I think that’s the only thing that’s ‘obvious’ right now.”

Jake looked at him for a moment, then looked back to Richie, his face regretful and pleading, but Stan quickly took a step between them, placing a hand on Richie’s back and turning him away from Jake, starting to lead him away.

“Come on guys,” Stan called over his shoulder to the others, and they all began trailing him down the street in a vague but purposeful direction. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Richie, wait! Please just wait!”

Richie leaned on Stan’s shoulder as they made their way down the street, feeling so emotionally weakened by the interaction that he almost couldn’t hold his own head up.

They stopped a few blocks down and regrouped, checking in on both the physical state of Bev’s hand and the emotional state of Richie’s entire existence.

“Does it hurt?” Richie tentatively reached his fingers out to Beverly’s knuckles, which were already starting to swell and seemed to be throbbing painfully.

“Nothing a little ice can’t fix,” Bev responded easily, wincing slightly as she tried to flex her hand. “Hey, I’m sorry I did that, I didn’t mean to make a scene or anything, just the way that… _asshole_ was talking to you… I don’t know why, but it just made something inside me snap.”

Richie only smiled and pulled her into a hug, burying his face in her crimson hair.

“Thank you, Bev.”

“So,” Bill huffed out as Richie and Bev separated. “What the fuck do we do now?”

At that they all laughed, finally overtaken by the absurdity of the whole situation.

“I mean, we could still go to another restaurant,” Stan volunteered. “As long as Bev doesn’t punch anybody else and get us kicked out. Or we could just go back home. Have another takeout and movie night.”

Everybody nodded and mumbled in agreement at that option, and Richie had to admit, it did sound tempting.

“I think I’m actually just gonna go home. I’m fine, really,” he immediately added the second part when he saw all the concerned looks on his friends’ faces. “I just wanna get in my own bed and go the fuck to sleep.”

After a few more assurances and some hugs goodbye, he found himself walking back towards the subway, hands in his pockets, unsure about whether to laugh or cry or scream at this point.

Upon boarding the train, he leaned all the way back in his seat and let his eyes fall closed. He wasn’t even upset anymore, in spite of the emotional assault he’d endured. He honestly was just tired. He was so fucking tired.

He figured Eddie would be out for quite a bit longer, and it would be nice to have the apartment to himself for a while. It might sound hypocritical coming from a guy who had the nickname ‘Trashmouth’, but after everything from the last few days, he was actually coming around to the idea that silence really was golden.

-

Richie flopped onto his back on his bed, sliding his hands up underneath his glasses to press his palms over his eyes and letting out a long, loud groan at the feeling of the soft mattress beneath him.

The house was quiet; Eddie was still out with Steve as he’d hoped, and Richie was grateful for that small miracle. As much as Eddie’s presence was a comfort to him, he very much did not want to see him right now, especially not with his boyfriend.

He’d spent the whole train ride anticipating getting back in his bed, but now that he was actually here, he felt strangely wired. Racing thoughts were dancing around in his head, and somehow they all kept circling back to Eddie. He couldn’t help feeling that everything, absolutely _everything_ , came back to Eddie, including his failed relationship with Jake. Sure, Jake was fucking another guy (and a fucking psycho, nonetheless), but Richie still felt it like on some level it must have been because Jake knew how he felt about Eddie and knew he wasn’t really committed to their relationship. That must be why he thought they should see other people, because somehow he knew what Richie really wanted was Eddie.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening downstairs, followed by the voices of both Steve and Eddie as they entered the house.

Fuck.

Richie launched into action, jumping off of his bed and moving towards the door. As much as he wanted to just curl up and go to sleep, there was not a chance in hell that he was about to be here in the house while Eddie undoubtedly made up for his skipped date with Steve by giving him some anniversary sex. And they definitely didn’t even know he was here, since he had been too exhausted to even bother with taking off his coat and shoes before going up to his room, so they were probably going to be extra loud, which was definitely not something Richie could handle in his current state of mind.

He took a moment to compose himself before walking over to the door, trying his best to not look like he’d been falling apart. He could hear them talking in the foyer as he reached for the door handle.

“Do you want to watch some TV? It feels a bit early to just go to bed.”

“I’m not staying the night, Eddie.”

Something in Steve’s voice made Richie freeze with his hand on the doorknob of his room. His tone wasn’t necessarily harsh, but it was certainly… definitive. It felt like something that shouldn’t be interrupted. Richie let his hand slide back off of the doorknob, afraid to even move away from the door for fear of making too much noise and giving himself away.

“...oh,” Eddie finally responded, sounding a bit indignant. Without even seeing him, Richie could tell he was crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I mean, you said you wanted to leave and come back here, so I just figured…”

“Eddie, I’m sorry, I just can’t keep doing this.”

He sounded… tired, Richie mused. Very, very tired. As tired as Richie felt. 

There was a beat of palpable silence as Richie strained to hear.

“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t keep doing what?”

“Eddie,” he breathed out a loud sigh. “I can’t keep pretending I don’t see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. I’ve always seen it. I just turned a blind eye, and hoped it would go away eventually. But I saw it that very first night we met, when he was sitting next to you in the bar.”

Richie felt a knot in the pit of his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he anticipated Eddie’s response.

“Richie?!?” Eddie finally understood. “What, you think Richie is into me? Steve, we’re just friends, you know that.”

“No, I don’t know that. And I can’t keep going to sleep at night in my apartment wondering if you’re sleeping in your own bed or in his.”

There was another beat of silence as Richie felt himself begin to sweat.

“I would _never_ cheat on you,” Eddie said breathlessly, so quietly that Richie almost couldn’t hear him.

“Eddie, it’s not you I don’t trust. It’s him.”

“Richie is my friend,” his arms were definitely crossed again. “We’ve been friends forever.” 

“And how do you think that makes me feel?” Steve was clearly getting worked up, and it honestly came as a bit of a shock. In all the time Steve had been dating Eddie, Richie had never once heard him raise his voice. “How do you honestly think that feels for me, knowing you have that history with him? All those years of memories that I can never measure up to?”

“It’s not like that, Steve.”

Eddie’s voice was starting to sound… wet. Richie’s heart hurt, knowing that Eddie was down there holding back tears.

“Then what’s it like, Eddie?” Steve asked, but he clearly already felt like he knew the answer.

“I told you, we’re friends….”

“Eddie, come on, you can stop bullshitting me.”

“I’m not bullshitting you!” He had definitely started crying. Richie could hear it in his voice, and he had to fight the urge to run down there and comfort him, wrap him up in his arms and hold him until the tears ran out. “Steve, I’ve been with you for three fucking years, and in all that time I’ve never even thought of being with anybody else. I can’t believe you actually think I would cheat on you, and with _Richie_!”

Ok, Richie had to admit that hurt just a bit, but only for a second until his concern for Eddie returned. He sounded like he was hanging on by a thread.

“Eddie, you blew off our goddamn anniversary to spend the night with him. What the hell am I supposed to think about that?”

“Steve, his boyfriend cheated on him. He needed me. He needed all of us.”

“I know. You have something special. You all do. And no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be a part of that. I’m your boyfriend, Eddie. And I don’t mean to you what they mean to you, what he means to you. And I never will. It’s time I accepted that.”

There was a long moment in which Eddie stammered and stuttered a bit, starting words and sentences he couldn’t finish. Eventually he gave up, unable to formulate a response, and left Steve to continue.

“I’m sorry Eddie. I just can’t be in a relationship like this. Where I’m always wondering when the other shoe will drop. When the day will finally come when you turn away from me and run right into Richie’s arms.”

Silence hung heavy in the air, from where Steve and Eddie were in the process of breaking up in the foyer, all the way up to where Richie was beginning to fall apart in his room.

“I’m moving back to New York,” Steve finally announced. “I already put in notice at work, and I’ve got some interviews set up back there.”

Another beat of silence. Steve seemed to be waiting for some sort of response from Eddie, but soon realized he wasn’t going to get one.

“I really do love you,” his voice was calmer now, gentler, almost apologetic, and so soft Richie almost couldn’t hear. “I think a part of me always will. But this just isn’t right. Maybe once I’m gone you’ll be able to see that this is for the best.”

“Don’t touch me,” Eddie snapped, the harshness of his voice cut by the wetness of his crying. Richie squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall softly against the door, careful not to make a noise.

“You said you were going to leave,” he continued through his tears. “So leave. Get out.”

There was a long moment of silence, interrupted only by Eddie’s occasional sniffles and little gasps as he continued to cry, until finally Richie heard the front door open.

“I’m sorry, Eddie.”

The sound of the front door closing reverberated throughout the house, followed immediately by what was almost definitely the sound of Eddie slumping down onto the floor in the foyer, his three year relationship now officially over.

He was sobbing and wailing without inhibition now that he thought he was alone in the house, and the sound of it made Richie’s heart ache more than anything else that had happened in the last 48 hours. He was torn between wanting to run down the stairs and wrap Eddie up in his arms and hold him and kiss him until he fell asleep, and wanting to run straight out the front door after Steve and punch him square in his stupid handsome face for making Eddie cry like this.

But on a deeper level, he knew that wouldn’t be fair. This wasn’t Steve’s fault. 

It was his.

Deep down, he knew that he was the one who did this to Eddie. Everything Steve had said about him was true.

Maybe his relationship with Jake had never been anything to write a song about, but Eddie had had a good boyfriend. A boyfriend who made him happy. A good guy that he deserved. A guy who had moved halfway across the country for Eddie. And Richie had ruined everything. He’d gotten in the way.

That was really what it all came down to: his failed relationship with Jake, and now Eddie’s failed relationship with Steve. It all came back to him being in love with Eddie and unable to let it go, even though he knew Eddie didn’t love him back. He was ruining both of their lives, and as long as he was around, neither of them would ever be happy.

Richie finally moved away from the door and walked over to his closet, quietly opening the door and grabbing an armful of shirts, tossing them on the bed behind him. He easily cleared out his entire closet with a few armfuls of clothes.

He wasn’t even sure where he was going, especially not at this time of night, but it didn’t matter. He’d go to the station and just get on the next train that was leaving. He just had to leave. He had to stop ruining things, for himself and for Eddie. 

He’d wait until Eddie went to bed and then slip out quietly. He could call later and explain himself, but hopefully once he was gone things would get better. Maybe Eddie and Steve could even get back together once he was out of the picture.

He reached up to the top shelf of his closet and grabbed hold of his beat up suitcase, tugging with annoyance when he realized it was caught on an exposed nail.

“Come on,” he murmured to himself, giving one final tug.

The suitcase let go, but with the force of his yanking it flew out of the closet and onto the floor, landing with a loud thunk that rippled through the entire house.

“ _Fuck_!” Richie exclaimed loudly, burying his face in his hands and no longer trying to stifle anything now that he knew his cover was blown.

The sounds of crying from downstairs stopped abruptly, and the stairs creaked as Eddie began to ascend them.

“Richie?” He heard Eddie call in a soft voice from outside his door.

“Yeah. I’m in here.”

The door creaked open and Eddie tiptoed in tentatively, sniffling and wiping the tracks of tears from his face.

“Did… did you hear all that?”

“Yeah,” Richie breathed out with a sigh, burying his hands in his own hair and squeezing his eyes shut. “Be pretty hard not to.”

“I’m... I’m so sorry,” Eddie sniffled again. “I didn’t know you were here. I thought you were still out with everyone.”

“I was,” Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes trained on the floor in front of his feet. “We, uh, ran into someone there.”

Eddie nodded in understanding.

“Jake?”

“Yeah,” Richie responded dryly. “And he wasn’t alone.”

It took a moment for it to click, and then Eddie’s expression turned into one of sympathy.

“I’m so sorry, Richie,” he shook his head and sighed deeply. “God, you’re dealing with so much right now, and then you had to listen to- what are you doing?”

He had just now taken notice of the suitcase on the floor and the cleared out closet directly behind Richie.

Richie heaved a huge sigh and slid his hands under his glasses to press his palms over his eyelids. So much for slipping out quietly.

“I’m leaving, Eddie,” he said, sliding his hands down off his eyes and looking directly at Eddie’s tear-streaked face.

“To go where?” Eddie’s voice was soft, timid. Not at all like the usual spitfire he was, the firecracker Richie knew and loved.

“I don’t even know yet. Maybe back to New York. Maybe out west. Maybe I’ll see if I can stay with Bill for a bit. To be honest I have no idea where I’m going. I just… I have to leave. I can’t be here anymore.”

While he was talking he picked the suitcase up off the floor and walked over to toss it on the bed. He began tossing his shirts into it haphazardly, while Eddie stood silently in the middle of his room.

“I’ll help you with the rent until you find another roommate,” Richie offered. It was only fair. He was basically leaving with no notice, and he couldn’t break the lease, but hopefully Eddie could find someone to sublet the room until the lease ran up.

He finished shoving the last of his clothes into the suitcase and zipped it up, chancing a glance up at Eddie, who was still standing there, unmoving. He still looked upset, there were fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, but he didn’t just look sad. He looked angry.

“So that’s it then,” Eddie choked out, making Richie’s heart ache once again at just how broken he sounded. “You’re gonna leave me too.”

Richie squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head. He knew this was for the best, but he couldn’t help but feel ashamed at hurting Eddie like this when he was so hurt already.

“Eddie you don’t understand…”

“I don’t understand what?” He snapped harshly.

“I.. I can’t...” Richie’s shoulders dropped. There was no way he could tell Eddie the real reason he was leaving. That would just be too much. There were already too many fucking emotions raging inside both of their bodies, he couldn’t add another to the mix.

“What?” Eddie pressed on, folding his arms in front of his chest in defiance. “What don’t I understand? Please explain it to me, because there seems to be a lot I’ve not been understanding.”

He hadn’t raised his voice, but Richie could tell he was getting worked up. He’d honestly never seen Eddie this way. Sure, he could be hot-headed sometimes and Richie had seen him fly off the handle more than a few times in their many years of friendship, but he had still never seen him quite like this. He seemed like he was on the brink of completely falling apart, and it was all because of Richie. He had done this to Eddie. It was his fault that Eddie was hanging on by a thread.

Richie at least could have the decency to tell him the truth.

But that didn’t mean he had to look him in the eye when he said it.

“Eddie,” he kept his voice low, eyes still closed, head still hung. “Eddie, he’s right. Steve was right, about… about… everything. Eddie, I’m in love with you. I always have been. I probably always will be.”

Despite the fear and anticipation of how Eddie would react, Richie almost felt as though a weight had been lifted off of him. It was the first time he’d ever said it out loud, not just to another person, but even to himself. Hearing the words out loud made them so much more real, but also less scary in a way. The secret was out. It couldn’t hurt him anymore.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Eddie, who looked rightfully shocked and confused, but his face had also softened, as if all his anger had suddenly evaporated.

“W-what?”

Richie offered him a gentle, apologetic smile before continuing.

“I love you, Eddie. I’ve been in love with you since we were 13. On some level you must have known. Everybody else can see it. Obviously Steve could. To be honest Jake probably could too.”

A fresh tear rolled down Eddie’s cheek, and Richie had to fight not to start crying as well. 

There it was. It was all out in the open. Richie’s entire goddamn heart was poured out all over the crappy carpeting on the floor.

“Why…” Eddie sniffled and crossed his arms protectively in front of his chest, another wave of tears wracking his body. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Richie had given up on fighting off his own tears, and he choked out a wet laugh.

“Because I’m a fucking coward, obviously. Everybody knows that. You know it as well as anyone. Look, Eddie, as long as I’m still here, neither one of us will ever be able to have a real relationship. I have to leave. It’s the only way either of us will ever have a fighting chance. Please… please try to understand.”

He’d turned away again, looked back down at his suitcase in shame, so he hadn’t noticed Eddie moving in closer until he was about a foot away and caught the corner of his eye. He turned his body to face him and looked down into Eddie’s eyes, somehow only more beautiful when they were glistening with tears. 

He even looked gorgeous when he was falling apart. It just wasn’t fair.

He was so caught up in watching the tears roll down Eddie’s face and fighting the urge to wipe them away with his sleeve that he didn’t even realize Eddie was reaching for his hand until their fingertips were brushing.

He looked quizzically down as Eddie took Richie’s hand in his own small one and intertwined their fingers. It wasn’t the first time they’d ever held hands like this, but somehow Richie knew it was different this time. It was the kind of touch he’d always wanted from Eddie, the touch of a lover. It was the kind of touch he’d always dreamed of receiving from Eddie since he was a teenager.

It just wasn’t fair for him to finally give it. Not right now.

“Don’t,” Richie breathed out, his voice nothing more than a whisper, an exhale of air. Despite the verbal protest, he made no motion to pull his hand from Eddie’s. He just wasn’t that strong.

“Richie…” Eddie’s voice was a whisper as well, he’d somehow moved in even closer, and Richie could feel his breath ghosting against his face.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head sharply, trying to break himself out of this spell.

“You can’t do this to me, Eddie.”

It wasn’t fair.

“Richie,” he breathed out again, whispering his name like a bedtime prayer. “Richie, kiss me.”

Richie shook his head again, eyes still scrunched closed.

“No.”

Not like this. Not a fucking rebound when Eddie was all vulnerable from being dumped and emotionally confused by the purge of feelings that Richie had just dumped all over him. It just wasn’t right.

He finally opened his eyes and the only thought he could manage was an observation that Eddie’s face had never been this close to him, he could see every freckle on his nose, every golden fleck in his chocolate brown eyes...

And then Eddie was kissing him, pressing soft, supple lips firmly against Richie’s, one hand still holding tight to Richie’s, the other hand planted on the back of Richie’s head, holding him in place as he moved their lips together slowly.

Richie could feel his chest soar, he almost felt as though he was growing taller by the second, or maybe he was floating, flying up towards the ceiling, all he knew was that his body was instinctively kissing Eddie back, tongue darting out to taste the salty tears off of his lips.

It was better than he could have expected, better than he ever could have dreamed. All those hours over all these years he’d spent fantasizing about kissing Eddie, and he never could have imagined it would be quite like this. The way Eddie just fit so perfectly against him, from their lips, to their chests, to their hands, all the way down to their toes. It was like this was where they were always meant to be.

Richie could have kissed him forever, but eventually Eddie pulled away with a sigh against his lips.

_Please God, please tell me he felt it too._

Richie blinked his eyes open slowly and looked down at Eddie. At some point Richie’s other hand had come up and wrapped around to the small of Eddie’s back, pulling him in even closer and holding him flush up against Richie’s body. Eddie was looking back up at Richie, and with only the briefest of glances into his eyes Richie could tell. He could tell he felt it.

Still he had to be sure. He had to hear it.

“You want this? You really want this?” His voice was a breathless whisper. He stroked a hand slowly up and down Eddie’s back soothingly.

“Richie, I’m yours,” the words spilled out of him almost with reckless abandon. “I always have been. I'm sorry, I was so wrong, it’s you. It's always been you.”

At that Richie finally released his inhibitions and leaned back down to Eddie’s lips, wrapping him up in his arms and kissing him freely, passionately, the way he’d always wanted to kiss him.

Eddie wrapped both arms around Richie’s neck, hands tangling up in Richie’s hair as he kissed him back, and one of Richie’s hands came up to cup the side of Eddie’s face, cradling him softly.

“You have no idea,” he breathed out against Eddie’s lips when they pulled away again. “How many times I’ve wanted to do that.” 

He stroked Eddie’s cheek with his thumb gently, marveling at the feel of his skin. He was so soft, so beautiful. He moved a few inches over to stroke over his sweet pink lips as well, and Eddie gazed up at him with his big brown eyes as he pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Richie’s thumb.

Once again, Richie felt he would have been happy exactly like this forever; if it were up to him he would have frozen this exact moment for the rest of time. But eventually Eddie pulled away and took him by the hand, leading him out of his room and out into the hallway.

Richie swallowed hard as he trailed Eddie down the hall and into his own bedroom, suddenly worried that he wasn’t ready for this. He was basically being offered everything he’d ever wanted in the whole world, what he’d wanted for half of his life, and now that it was right in front of him, right there for the taking, it was almost too overwhelming.

But once they got into Eddie’s room and Eddie turned back to kiss him again, he found himself melting back into his touch. He didn’t even panic when Eddie laid back on the bed and pulled Richie down on top of him. In fact, he marveled at how right this all felt: the feeling of having Eddie’s body underneath him, pressed completely up against his. Just like he’d dreamed of so many nights as he went to bed in the room next to Eddie’s.

He leaned down to kiss Eddie again, then pulled back to lift up a sleeve and wipe away the tears that were still lingering on his face, his heart melting at the way Eddie smiled and leaned into his touch. Eddie then reached a hand up to brush away the now mostly-dry tears on Richie’s cheeks as well, and for a moment they stayed like that, looking into each other’s eyes and smiling at each other adoringly.

Eventually Eddie wound a hand back around to the back of Richie’s head and pulled him back in for another kiss, and Richie was happy to comply. It hadn’t taken him long to decide that kissing Eddie was now his favorite thing to do, until he moved down to kiss and suck lightly at Eddie’s neck and Eddie let out a moan in response.

He’d heard Eddie moan like that before, muffled through the barrier of the wall that separated their rooms, but hearing it right there, uninhibited, and in response to something that Richie was doing to him...

Now that was his new favorite thing in the world. Making Eddie make noises like that.

He continued to eagerly kiss and suck all over the gorgeously tanned skin of Eddie’s neck, fueled by the encouraging noises Eddie was making. He nipped lightly at the skin of his jaw before licking a stripe down the length of his neck to bite softly at the edge of his collarbone that was exposed above the collar of his shirt.

It was incredible and intoxicating, but it still didn’t feel like enough. He wanted to worship every inch of his body.

With a shaking hand, Richie tentatively reached down Eddie’s side to the bottom hem of his shirt. He pulled his lips away from his neck and slid the tips of his fingers just underneath Eddie’s shirt, ghosting his touch over the hot skin underneath. Panting breathlessly, he peered down at Eddie’s face with a questioning look, silently asking for permission to go further. 

Eddie gazed back up at him for a moment, looking as dazed and breathless as Richie felt. It took him a minute to understand what Richie was asking, but when he did he responded with a smile and a small nod, charmed at Richie’s tentativeness. He reached down to grab the hem of his own shirt, helping Richie to pull it up over his end and drop it down onto the floor next to the bed.

Richie swallowed hard as his eyes raked over Eddie’s now bare torso. The smooth expanse of golden skin seemed to go on for miles, from his hard shoulders, to the light dusting of dark hair across his chest, down to his slender waist and his curvaceous hips. Richie bit his lip as he took in the small trail of hair that disappeared below the waistband of Eddie’s jeans, before dragging his eyes back up Eddie’s body, where tiny marks were already starting to pop up on his neck from Richie’s mouth.

Eddie tucked a hand behind his head as Richie drank him in, feeling almost embarrassed at the way Richie seemed to be taking him apart with his eyes.

“It’s not like you’ve never seen me with my shirt off before,” he laughed nervously, trailing a finger softly up and down Richie’s bicep.

Richie breathed out a laugh in response. He was correct, he’d seen Eddie shirtless hundreds of times throughout the years, but never like this. Never laid out beneath him, chest heaving with desire, covered in hickeys that Richie had given him. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Sorry,” he trailed his eyes up and down Eddie’s body again, even as he was apologizing for doing so. “Just… you’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

Eddie felt himself flush and quickly grabbed Richie’s arm to pull him back down for another kiss, for some reason not wanting Richie to see how much those simple words affected him. Richie went back to kissing him eagerly, hands now trailing lightly up and down Eddie’s skin, making him shiver at the feather-light touch.

Richie kissed his way back down Eddie’s neck and lower, no longer stopped by the barrier of clothing. He could feel Eddie’s firm chest rise and fall heavily under his lips as he pressed sweet kisses there. Eddie tangled his hands in Richie’s curls, panting and writhing slightly as Richie moved down even lower, kissing and nipping at the skin that covered Eddie’s… abs, oh Jesus Christ he had fucking abs, how had Richie never noticed that before?

 _Probably because he always had to actively avoid letting his gaze linger on Eddie’s body too long for fear of giving himself away,_ he thought to himself as he pressed a lingering kiss to the fiery skin right above the waistband of Eddie’s jeans. He finally didn’t have to avert his gaze and hide his flushed cheeks every time he caught a glimpse of Eddie’s body. Finally he could drink in this beautiful boy, not just with his eyes, but with his hands, with his lips and his tongue… it was intoxicating. It almost made his head spin.

He spent a few more minutes, or maybe hours, just exploring Eddie’s exposed skin, touching him, kissing him, darting out his tongue to taste him, before eventually he once again found himself at the barrier of Eddie’s clothes, lingering along the waistband of Eddie’s pants, wanting more.

Richie gazed up Eddie’s body from his position where he was crouched between Eddie’s spread legs, noting the way his eyes were closed and his head was thrown back in pleasure, pleasure that Richie was giving him. Richie fought back the shiver that wracked his body and raised shaking hands to the waistband of Eddie’s tight jeans, fingers ghosting over the button at the front.

“Is this… this is okay?” He pulled on the waistband of Eddie’s pants lightly. 

Eddie opened his eyes and looked down at Richie, a loving look in his eyes and a charmed smile on his face as he nodded his permission.

Richie smiled back up at him; he knew he was being overly cautious, but he had waited his whole life for this. He didn’t want to mess it up by pushing Eddie or assuming something was okay and making him uncomfortable. He wanted this to be perfect.

He popped the button on Eddie’s jeans and dragged down the zipper, then tucked his fingers under the waistband. Eddie lifted his hips up off the bed, helping Richie to pull his jeans down over his thighs, and then Richie stood up at the end of the bed to pull Eddie’s pants down off of his feet and drop them onto the floor next to him.

Richie swallowed hard, trying to find something to focus on to avoid getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of beautiful tanned skin that was now exposed in front of him. Eventually his eyes settled on the only part of Eddie that was still covered, a cute pair of baby blue briefs slung low and tight on his hips, and now that it was the only layer still covering him, Richie could fully see just how hard Eddie was. The bulge underneath the soft blue material was unmistakable.

He trailed a slow hand up Eddie’s thigh, ghosting a feather-light touch over his hip before sliding his fingers into the waistband of his underwear, glancing back up at Eddie’s face, where he was already wearing a coy grin.

“Yes, you can take them off. I give affirmative consent.”

Richie laughed at his teasing, knowing it was all in good nature. Richie just wouldn’t be Richie if he didn’t agonize over every little thing, and Eddie knew that as well as anybody.

Eddie had never told Richie, but he secretly found it very endearing.

So with Eddie’s help, Richie pulled the briefs down over his hips and thighs, then Richie pulled them down the rest of the way and dropped them on the floor with Eddie’s pants.

Richie took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart that felt like it was trying to cage-fight its way out of his chest.

He wondered briefly if he might just drop dead on the spot of a heart attack. It would almost be appropriate for the situation; finally having the boy he’d loved his whole life lying out for him, naked, willing, ready, looking up at him with a mixture of lust and adoration. If there were ever a moment for his heart to just burst, this was it.

Eddie squirmed slightly under his gaze, watching the way Richie’s eyes slowly trailed up and down his body, occasionally lingering on his chest, his thighs, his face, his erection…

“You’re perfect,” Richie didn’t even mean to say it, not really, it just came from his mouth without involvement from his brain, but God was it true. Eddie was fucking perfect, more perfect than he ever could have imagined (and boy did he ever imagine Eddie naked a **lot** ).

Once again Eddie felt himself flush, but Richie didn’t seem to notice, he just crawled his way slowly back up Eddie’s now-naked body until he was laying on top of him again and their lips met in another kiss.

Even though Richie was still fully clothed, the feel of having Eddie naked underneath him was making him harder than he’d ever been in his life. He settled back down on Eddie and immediately felt their erections rub together, making them both moan into each other’s mouths.

Richie launched another assault on Eddie’s neck, kissing and nipping at the marks that were already beginning to form, making Eddie throw his head back and gasp. He moved down his body again, still trailing kisses and feather-light touches over his skin, this time taking the time to pay attention to his nipples as well, taking one of them into his mouth and sucking gently while his hand came up to rub a thumb over the other.

“Oh, Richie,” Eddie gasped out with a moan, and Richie felt himself moan involuntarily around Eddie’s nipple. God, the sound of Eddie moaning his name, he just wanted to hear that over and over again for the rest of his life.

He continued his trek back down Eddie’s body, worshipping every last inch of skin with his lips and his tongue and his hands. He couldn’t get enough of his skin, the softness of it, the way it tasted…

Now that there was no clothing in the way, Richie was able to follow the trail of hair on Eddie’s stomach unencumbered, pressing kisses all over the skin of Eddie’s lower abdomen until he finally reached his cock, still fully erect against his stomach. He looked up at Eddie’s face as he wrapped a hand around the base of his dick, then maintained eye contact with him as he wrapped his lips around the head and sank all the way down until his mouth met his hand.

“Oh, fuck! Oh, God, Richie!” Eddie’s hands flailed wildly before finding a place in Richie’s hair, tangling up in his jet-black curls as Richie began to move his head up and down on his dick, squeezing the base gently. 

Encouraged by Eddie’s verbal adoration, Richie completely worked over Eddie’s cock, bobbing up and down on it, taking him all the way down his throat and sucking hard, pulling up to the head to tease him with his tongue… eventually he pulled all the way off, but only to move down even lower to lick and suck on Eddie’s balls, letting his hand take over stroking up and down Eddie’s dick, now completely slicked up with Richie’s saliva.

He pulled away to pay attention to the soft, buttery skin of Eddie’s thighs that were currently encircling his head, giving kisses and tiny nips that made Eddie jump slightly, but also made him moan with pleasure.

He moved down even lower, now grabbing hold of Eddie’s thighs with both hands and lifting them up slightly so that his legs were bent and his feet were flat on the mattress, continuing the path of his mouth until he was kissing at the skin all around Eddie’s hole.

Richie pulled back slightly, tilting his head back so that he could see Eddie’s face propped up by the pillows, looking completely blissed out. 

It took him a moment to find his voice, and once he did, he sounded lower and raspier than he ever had before.

“Is it, I mean, can I eat you out?”

He supposed it might seem a bit strange to ask permission for that, especially considering he had just been giving Eddie a blowjob only a matter of minutes before. But somehow eating someone out just seemed so much more intimate, perhaps even more intimate than actual sex, and he just really didn’t want to do anything Eddie wasn’t comfortable with. Not now, not ever.

Eddie seemed to think similarly, because he wasn’t making fun of Richie for asking permission like he was before, he just smiled down at Richie in absolute adoration before nodding.

Richie wasted no time once consent was given, immediately pressing his tongue flat against Eddie’s hole, making him gasp and leaving him with trembling legs around Richie’s head.

Richie then pulled back slightly, teasing with his tongue all around the area, circling slowly around Eddie’s hole before diving back in again, swiping his tongue back and forth and up and down in long, slow strokes.

Eddie was panting above him, gasping out Richie’s name and letting out little moans and these incredible little whimpers that made Richie’s cock jump.

Once he’d licked over Eddie’s hole a bit, letting him relax and loosen up, he pulled back to press the tip of his tongue right into the center. He could feel Eddie’s trembling thighs tighten around his head and he buried his hands back in Richie’s hair as Richie began to slide his tongue inside of him. 

“Oh, Jesus, _Richie_!”

Richie could only moan in response as he started fucking Eddie with his tongue, marveling at how tight he was, and yet how easily he opened up to let Richie in.

God, he couldn’t wait to slide his cock in there.

Meanwhile, this whole time Eddie was simply marveling at his enthusiasm. Sure, he’d had his ass eaten before, but never quite like this, never by someone who was acting like it was a prize, like it was a fucking treat to be able to eat him out.

Eddie actually loved getting eaten out, but he often felt too embarrassed to ask for it, so he had to settle for whenever Steve just went for it on his own. With Richie, it didn’t seem like he would ever have to ask. Richie seemed to be enjoying himself as much as Eddie was, and holy fuck was Eddie enjoying himself.

But along that train of thought, it also occurred to Eddie that Richie must be just as turned on as he was right now, and then he started thinking about just how hard Richie must be, still fully dressed and in the confines of his pants.

That just didn’t seem right.

As much as he hated to do so, he tugged a bit on the back of Richie’s head, and couldn’t help the guttural moan that left his throat as Richie slid his tongue out of his hole.

Richie looked up at him questioningly.

“You okay?”

“... yeah,” Eddie’s voice sounded breathless, almost dreamy. “Yeah, more than just okay… it’s just… can I see you too?”

It took a moment for the request to register in Richie’s fucked-out brain, but once it did he smiled up at Eddie and once again climbed off the bed.

Eddie smiled back at him as he pushed himself up slightly to prop up against the headboard, giving himself a full view of Richie as he unbuttoned his shirt with shaking hands and dropped it down onto the floor, pulling off the t-shirt he’d had on underneath as well. 

Richie couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious, Eddie’s body was… well, it was fucking perfect, and he felt a little inadequate in comparison, but Eddie was still smiling at him encouragingly, so he made quick work of his belt and started to undo his jeans.

He pushed his pants down off his hips, then hesitated for a second before pushing off his boxers as well and stepping out of them both. He toed off his shoes, which thankfully Eddie hadn’t seemed to notice he was wearing in the house, and bent down to pull off his socks as well, before finally straightening back up and raising his head up to shyly meet Eddie’s gaze.

Eddie’s eyes trailed slowly up and down Richie’s body, taking him in in a way he never had before in their decade of friendship. Although to be fair, he had never seen Richie in this context before.

Now that he was finally looking at him in this light, he was for the first time realizing just how… hot... Richie was. 

His shoulders were broad and sturdy, his arms long and muscular. His chest looked firm and was coated with a light dusting of dark hair. He was big, and he looked strong and masculine. 

Hot damn, maybe this had always been Eddie’s type and he just hadn’t noticed, because he felt like he’d never been so attracted to someone in his life.

And then his gaze shifted downward to really get a look at Richie’s dick. 

He could tell he was big earlier when Richie was on top of him and they were grinding against each other, but he hadn’t realized just how big he was until now. Now that Richie was standing in front of him, completely naked, with that huge fucking cock… Eddie could almost feel himself throbbing between his legs from how much he wanted that dick inside of him.

_Jesus, am I a size queen or something?_

That was a line of thought to save for later, so Eddie just raised his gaze back up to Richie’s face, where he was smiling shyly.

Richie had certainly never thought of himself as a shy person, quite the opposite really, but something about the way Eddie was looking at him made him weak in the knees. He kept raking his eyes up and down Richie’s body, his face a picture of wonder and awe as he took Richie in, and something about having Eddie look at him this way almost made Richie want to cry again, but he fought it off and took a step towards the bed as Eddie reached for him.

“You’re perfect too.”

Eddie pulled Richie back down on top of him, and they both let out a sigh at the feeling of their bodies pressed up against each other, now with no clothing forming a barrier between them. Richie immediately captured Eddie’s lips in another kiss, and Eddie surprised him by pressing a hand into his chest and rolling them over on the bed so that Eddie was on top, straddling him.

Eddie took his turn kissing and nipping his way down Richie’s body, moving a lot more quickly than Richie had, obviously with a clear destination in mind.

Richie’s breath quickened as Eddie kissed a trail down his stomach, moving lower and lower until he reached his goal.

Eddie wrapped a small hand around Richie’s dick, giving it a quick stroke and noting the way Richie threw his head back and let out a deep, throaty moan at even that minor touch.

Eddie licked his lips, taking another moment to just take in the sight of Richie’s cock now that it was right here, right in front of his face, right here in his hand. 

His cock was absolutely fucking magnificent. It wasn’t even just that it was big, and it was definitely the biggest dick Eddie had ever seen in person. He couldn’t fucking wait to feel it inside of him, but for now he settled for just wrapping his lips around the head and sinking down as far as he possibly could.

“Oh, Eddie!” Richie felt his entire body spasm at the feel of Eddie’s wet, hot mouth around him. His hands flailed wildly for something to grab onto, and eventually he wove one hand into his own hair and tangled the other in the sheet underneath him.

Eddie began bobbing up and down, trying to take him a little deeper every time, as deep as he possibly could.

Richie could only stare down at him, fighting the natural instinct to close his eyes at the feelings of pleasure. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him, and he couldn’t help but be amazed at how deep Eddie was taking him, choking and sputtering, but still going almost all the way down to his balls.

He released his hold on the sheets to reach down and cup Eddie’s cheek as he went down on him, noting the way Eddie was moaning around his cock like he was absolutely loving it, like he couldn’t get enough of Richie’s dick.

His enjoyment became more apparent when he saw Eddie’s eyes roll back into his head and his eyelids flutter closed as he took Richie particularly deep down his throat, still choking a bit but not relenting.

At that Richie moved the hand on Eddie’s cheek around to the back of his head and tugged gently on his hair, pulling him back off of his cock.

“You… you want me to stop?” Eddie rasped out, lips red and glistening, big brown eyes watering slightly. “Was I… I mean… was it not good?”

“What? No,” Richie slid his hand back down to his cheek and swiped a thumb across his now swollen lips. “God no, it was fucking fantastic, it’s just… I wanna play with you too, ya know?”

At that Eddie quirked a small smile, and Richie smiled down at him as well, continuing to stroke his soft lips.

“I suppose there’s a solution to that.”

They laughed a bit as Eddie turned around on top of him, getting in position to sixty-nine. He wiggled his butt a little as he settled down on Richie’s face, making Richie laugh again, and also making him appreciate how comfortable they already were with each other. Maybe it was because they had been friends for so long, but it seemed like they were able to skip right past the awkward discomfort that new lovers often had.

Richie happily dove back into Eddie’s ass, and Eddie went back to work as well, taking Richie back down his throat and reaching down with a delicate hand to pay attention to Richie’s balls too.

Taking advantage of the improved angle that was now afforded to him, Richie used his hands to spread open Eddie’s cheeks, licking around the area again before sliding his tongue back in.

He wiggled his tongue around inside Eddie a bit, letting him relax and stretch out a bit before slowly trailing a hand down Eddie’s crack until it met where his tongue was fucking into Eddie.

Richie pulled his mouth away, tentatively stroking a finger over Eddie’s hole and giving him an opportunity to stop him, but Eddie only moaned loudly around Richie’s dick in encouragement.

Urged onward, he pressed the tip of his finger into Eddie’s slicked up ass, sliding it slowly inside up to the knuckle. He wiggled it a bit inside before starting to move it in and out, pressing his face back in to lick around it. 

Eddie continued blowing him, but was growing sloppy as he was starting to moan uncontrollably at the dual sensation of Richie both finger-fucking him and rimming him.

Just as Richie began to slide the tip of his tongue back inside alongside his finger, Eddie let Richie’s cock fall out of his mouth and arched his back, his whole body trembling with desire and moaning loudly up into the ceiling in ecstasy.

“Oh, oh my _God_!”

Richie pulled his face out of Eddie’s ass, unable to help the satisfactory laugh that wracked his body, making Eddie raise himself up off Richie’s finger and climb off of him, huffing indignantly, but with a smile on his face as he turned to face him.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he protested, pinching Richie’s side, even as he chuckled a bit himself.

“Sorry,” Richie responded sheepishly. “It’s just… it’s just still kinda crazy to me that this is even happening, ya know? That I could even make you feel this way.”

He pushed himself up to sit up against the headboard, and Eddie took hold of one of his hands, lacing their fingers back together. Richie looked down at their intertwined hands, stroking a thumb over Eddie’s.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Richie murmured softly. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Without letting go of his hand, Eddie climbed into Richie’s lap, throwing a leg over and straddling him, pressing their chests together. He brought his other hand up to stroke through Richie’s hair as he gazed down into his eyes.

“You have me, Richie,” he offered sincerely, adoringly. “I’m yours. I’m yours now.”

He leaned down to kiss Richie again, chastely at first, then sliding his tongue into his mouth as he moved his hips forward, rubbing their erections together and making Richie gasp into his mouth.

“This,” he whispered against Richie’s lips as they parted, pushing his hips forward again. “This is yours. It’s all yours.”

He took both of Richie’s hands and placed them on his ass as he leaned down for another kiss, and Richie eagerly pulled him in close before rolling him over onto his back and settling between Eddie’s spread legs, pulling his lower lip between his teeth.

Now that he was between Eddie’s legs like this, he could actually feel his cock press down between his cheeks and rub up against his hole. The sensation made him involuntarily bite at Eddie’s lower lip, and for the briefest of moments he worried he was being too rough, but Eddie only moaned in response.

He pulled away abruptly, and for a moment they looked into each other’s eyes, panting breathlessly, Eddie looking up at him quizzically.

“Do you… I mean, uh, should I go get a condom?”

The corner of Eddie’s mouth quirked up in that cute way that always made Richie weak.

“Nightstand,” Eddie responded casually, jerking his head towards the side of the bed.

Richie lifted himself up and propped up on one hand, easily reaching the nightstand with his long arms. He pulled open the top drawer to find an open box of condoms and a bottle of lube, grabbing both and dropping them onto the bed before leaning back down to kiss Eddie again, trying to ground himself with Eddie’s lips.

Something about getting out the condoms was almost sobering. It made it more real.

They were really doing this.

He pulled back and looked down into Eddie’s eyes, smiling at him softly, giving him the opportunity to say he didn’t want this, to say he wanted to wait, but Eddie only wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and pulled him back down for another kiss.

Eddie reached a hand over and grabbed the lube when they separated.

“Do you want me to? Or…” he trailed off.

Richie took the bottle from his hand.

“I want to.”

Eddie smiled as Richie moved back down between his legs, reaching underneath his thighs to bend his legs back up so that his feet were flat on the mattress.

Richie swallowed hard as he lubed up a finger, pressing it back up against Eddie’s hole and sliding it in easily, more easily than before. He still moved it in and out a few times and pumped it inside him a bit before trying to add another, not wanting to hurt him.

Eddie sighed deeply when Richie got two fingers inside of him, lifting his legs up even further towards his chest. This gave Richie the encouragement to start fucking in and out of him faster, with more reckless abandon.

Getting fingered was another thing Eddie loved, he’d even finger himself occasionally while masturbating, and Richie’s hands were so big, his fingers were so long and thick; it was so much deeper than he could get in himself.

By the time he got up to a third finger Eddie was actively fucking himself down onto his fingers and Richie was so turned on by the sight he thought he would come all over himself, but he still forced himself to take a few more minutes to stretch Eddie out. He knew he had a big dick and Eddie was so fucking tight, he really just didn’t want to hurt him.

He probably would have continued even longer, just to be cautious, but Eddie reached down and grabbed hold of his wrist, stilling Richie’s fingers inside of him.

“I’m ready. I want you.”

Richie slid shaking fingers out of him and grabbed a condom out of the box, struggling to open it between his trembling hands and his slicked up fingers. Eventually Eddie took it from him and unwrapped it himself, then went ahead and rolled the condom onto Richie’s dick for him as well.

It was tight… really tight. He probably needed a bigger size, and Eddie made a mental note to pick up some Magnums next time he was at the store.

Eddie laid back down on the pillows once the condom was all the way on, and Richie squirted some more lube into his hand to slick up his dick before leaning back down over Eddie, planting his hands on either side of his head and looking down into Eddie’s eyes.

“You want this? You’re sure that you want this?”

He was sure Eddie would make fun of him for asking again, but somehow Richie knew that this really was the point of no return right here. After this, they couldn’t go back. They couldn’t ever go back to the way things were before.

Surprisingly, Eddie didn’t laugh at him or make fun of him, he just reached up to brush a chunk of hair out of Richie’s eyes, a serious look on his face as he nodded slowly.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

Eddie’s voice sounded softer and more timid than Richie had ever heard it sound before, and in that moment he knew. 

He knew Eddie wasn’t just talking about here and now, and he knew he wasn’t just talking about sex.

He knew he wasn’t talking about physical pain at all.

Richie bent his head down and kissed him softly, tenderly but full of love and passion. When he pulled away, Eddie’s eyes were glistening, and he could feel tears pricking up in his eyes as well.

“I promise, Eddie. I promise I’ll never hurt you.”

He let his forehead fall down against Eddie’s as they both sniffed back tears, then pressed soft kisses to his lips, cheeks, and forehead, before pulling back away to look at him again.

There were still tears shining in Eddie’s eyes, but he was smiling now.

“Okay, that’s enough crying,” he huffed out a wet laugh and stroked a hand up Richie’s bicep to his shoulder. “Just fuck me already.”

They both laughed some more as they wiped away their tears, and Richie reached down to position himself up against Eddie’s hole. He gave Eddie one final questioning look and Eddie nodded his consent.

Richie pressed forward with his hips, pushing the head of his dick into the tight heat of Eddie’s ass. Despite the time Richie had taken to stretch him out, he still gasped and tensed up, his eyes scrunched closed at the initial pain.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

Richie looked down at him with an expression of pure and genuine concern, but Eddie just shook his head rapidly back and forth.

“No. Keep going.”

Richie swallowed hard, unsure, brow wrinkled with worry, but Eddie just squeezed his knees into Richie’s sides, shifting downward and pulling Richie further inside of him.

Richie planted his palms back on the mattress, on either side of Eddie’s head, holding himself up on shaky arms as he continued to slowly push into him.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking tight…”

Eddie trembled at the praise, reaching up to cup Richie’s face in his hands and pull him down for a kiss. When they pulled away Richie rested his forehead against Eddie’s, both of them still breathing heavily as he slid in the rest of the way.

Eddie threw his head back and gasped as he felt Richie push all the way into him. God, Richie really was so big. Eddie had never felt so full, he’d never felt anything so deep. He was practically seeing stars when he closed his eyes.

He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist, holding him in place, not wanting to let him go, never wanting to let go of this feeling of being stretched out and filled up like this. He felt so whole, so complete. He hadn’t known anything could feel like this, so impossibly deep inside of him, so intimate.

Richie, in the meantime, took advantage of the way Eddie’s head was thrown back in ecstasy to press back in to kiss and suck at the skin of his neck, now almost completely covered in bruises and marks.

The fact that Eddie had even allowed him to claim him like that was absolutely astounding to Richie; he had occasionally seen small hickeys left on Eddie’s neck and throat throughout the years, but Eddie always seemed embarrassed by them and looked like he was trying to cover them up.

Here with Richie, he only tilted his head back farther to give him access to more of the smooth skin.

Richie started moving inside of him, slowly at first, giving short, shallow thrusts, still very much afraid of causing Eddie any pain or discomfort. Eddie continued to encourage him though, both by digging his heels into the small of Richie’s back and by making these amazing noises right into Richie’s ear.

“Oh, Richie, oh, God, that’s fucking amazing,” he panted into the side of Richie’s neck before pressing an open-mouthed kiss there, one hand tangled into Richie’s hair, holding him in place, the other hand drawing neatly-trimmed nails down Richie’s back.

Richie was inclined to agree with his analysis. He slid a hand up to the back of Eddie’s head, pressing him into his own neck, while his other hand gripped the headboard for dear life, grasping so hard his knuckles were practically turning white. 

He’d begun deepening his thrusts, still maintaining a slow pace, as slow as he could force himself to go, but now pulling almost all the way out on every thrust before pushing all the way back in. Eddie gasped with every movement, squeezing his legs around him every time he bottomed out, and Richie was feeling like he’d just opened up Pandora’s box and the Ark of the Covenant at the same time.

He was finally realizing that this is what he had always been missing, why he’d always had good sex or even great sex, but not _amazing_ sex, not mind-blowing, earth-shattering, life-changing sex, and what had been missing was that it hadn’t been with Eddie, plain and simple. As good as the sex may have been with Jake or with anyone else, it just couldn’t compare to being with Eddie, to being _inside_ Eddie, to feeling Eddie underneath him and around him like this.

His thrusts had involuntarily become faster and more erratic, and he felt himself losing control at the intoxicating feel of Eddie’s tight heat. He was already getting close, he could tell, but _fuck_ , he really wanted for Eddie to come first.

He stilled his movements inside of Eddie and Eddie whined in response, clawing desperately at Richie’s shoulders, but Richie only sat up quickly onto his knees, grabbing hold of Eddie’s hips as they both took a quick moment to catch their breath.

Eventually Eddie pushed his hips back down again, trying to fuck himself back down on Richie’s dick. Richie swallowed hard and tightened his grip on Eddie’s hips, lifting them up slightly. Both of them stared for a brief minute, equally enamored by the way Richie’s large hands looked as they were wrapped around Eddie’s slender hips, as well as by the ease at which Richie lifted him up.

He started thrusting again, still holding up Eddie’s hips, once again starting slow and shallow before building up a steady pace of deep thrusts.

“Oh _fuck_ , Richie!”

He knew this would be a better position for Eddie than just the standard missionary they were in before, and if Eddie’s reaction was any indication, his assumption was correct.

With this new angle, it was like Richie was somehow even deeper than before, if that was even possible. Eddie could practically feel it in his chest, and yet he still couldn’t get enough, he still kept pushing himself back to meet every single one of Richie’s thrusts.

“Richie, oh my God, _Richie_!” 

He was practically writhing with pleasure, his hands flailing now that he no longer had Richie to grab onto. Eventually he tangled one hand in the sheets next to him and grabbed the headboard above him with the other hand, allowing Richie’s grip on his hips to practically manhandle him with each thrust, which… was that actually a _kink_ for him or something?

It must be, because he felt like he was being fucked into a higher plane of existence. He was in a state of pleasure like he’d never felt before. He was in absolute ecstasy, and it was written all over his face, all over his goddamn body; it was spilling out of his mouth in moans and incoherent nonsense filled with Richie’s name.

It was just too much, seeing Eddie like this. Richie had wanted Eddie to come first, he really had, but he just couldn’t hold on any longer. 

You couldn’t really blame him for coming so fast given the circumstances; nothing in his entire life could have prepared him for seeing Eddie like this, seeing him in this level of absolute sexual nirvana, and while moaning out Richie’s name the whole time… 

“Oh, _Eddie_!” His thrusts became more and more erratic and the grip he had on Eddie’s hips became a vice as he spilled over the edge, repeating Eddie’s name over and over. His entire body shook from head to toe, his knees went weak and it took all the strength left in him to not collapse on top of Eddie.

Still, even as he emptied into the condom with what was easily the most intense orgasm of his life, he was already thinking ahead to the next time they would do this and the time after that, when he fully intended to use repeat performances to build up stamina. 

One day he was going to eat Eddie out until he cried and fuck him until he couldn’t walk.

Eddie could tell Richie was about to come before he did, and not just because of the way his thrusts became increasingly erratic and his eyes rolled back into his head. He just knew Richie so well. They’d been inseparable since childhood - at this point he knew what Richie was going to say before he said it, what he was going to do before he did it. Sometimes he even knew the exact stupid joke he was going to make before he made it.

He felt Richie come into the condom inside of him, and for the first time ever he actually wished he was having unprotected sex. He wished he could feel Richie inside him for real, with nothing separating them. He almost resented the barrier of the condom, almost resented that he couldn’t feel Richie painting the inside of him with his come.

These thoughts almost scared Eddie a bit, just because he’d never felt this way before. He’d always cared a great deal about having safe sex. Even though he had been with his previous boyfriend for three years and he knew they were both clean, he had still insisted on using a condom every time; he just never felt comfortable having sex without one.

But somehow Richie felt different. Maybe it was because he’d known him forever and he trusted him so much.

Somehow everything with Richie felt different.

Once Richie came down from his orgasm, he gently lowered Eddie’s hips back down onto the mattress and released his vice-like grip, biting back a moan at the sight of the marks his fingers had left on Eddie’s hips.

 _Mine_ , he thought to himself, fighting the urge to squeeze his hips again. He pushed the thought to the side, focusing his gaze down on Eddie’s cock, and more specifically on how hard he still was. It was practically throbbing up against Eddie’s stomach. It almost looked painful, how hard he was.

He wrapped a hand around Eddie’s dick again and gave it a stroke. Eddie was by no means small, but Richie’s large hand easily encompassed him, providing a warm, sturdy grip as he began to stroke up and down, matching the same pace he’d been fucking into Eddie just moments before. 

“Mmmmm…” Eddie let out a long, contended noise at the feeling of Richie stroking him off. Even just a basic handjob somehow felt better than it ever had before. Somehow everything with Richie was better than it had ever been before.

He melted back into the mattress, in absolute bliss as Richie masterfully worked him over, giving long, tight strokes, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his head, squeezing the base. 

Richie watched Eddie’s face intently, the pleasure he was in was written all over it, and Richie could see clearly how he was building towards orgasm, which only encouraged him to quicken his strokes as he trailed his other hand back up Eddie’s chest to rub a thumb over one of his nipples. 

“Oh, oh, _Richie_! Oh, oh my _God_ , I’m gonna… I’m gonna…”

Jesus, if he hadn’t just come harder than he’d ever come in his life, he’d probably be hard again already. The sights and sounds of seeing Eddie approaching his orgasm were almost more than Richie’s dumb brain could handle.

“That’s it, come for me Eds…” 

For someone who hated being told what to do, Eddie was quick to obey, coming hard on his own stomach and chest, painting his beautiful olive skin in white streaks.

Richie stroked him through the orgasm, the hand on his chest coming up to cup his cheek lovingly as he came down from his high. He trailed his thumb gently over Eddie’s face, rubbing over his lips, cheek, and chin, and they smiled at each other as they both basked in the afterglow.

Eventually Eddie shivered slightly from being naked and uncovered on the bed, and Richie took that as a sign to take action. He pulled out of Eddie slowly, and they both gasped a bit at the sensation. Eddie whined slightly when he pulled all the way out, hating feeling completely empty after being so very full. Richie rubbed the inside of his thigh gently in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

He quickly discarded the condom in the bin next to Eddie’s bed before scooping his own shirt up off the floor and using it to wipe down Eddie’s chest and stomach, making Eddie hum in happiness at the sweet gesture.

Richie tossed the shirt back onto the ground, wondering if Eddie was going to want to take a shower. He seemed like the type who would want to clean off post-sex, but Eddie just grabbed his wrists and pulled him back down into bed.

Richie lay on his side next to Eddie, who was still laying on his back, eyes closed, looking fucked-out and completely content.

“Eddie…” Richie whispered, finally able to say his name with all the love and adoration for him he’d always had in his heart. “Eddie…”

“Mmmm…” Eddie hummed in response.

“Can I… can I stay here tonight? Or would you rather I go back to my own room? Because it’s fine if you do…” he trailed off, hoping and praying, but still not wanting to push.

Eddie opened his eyes and turned on his side to face Richie, looking into his eyes, their faces only inches away from each other.

“I want you to stay. What do you want?”

Richie huffed out a breath against Eddie’s lips, still looking intently into Eddie’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Eddie, I just want to hold you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Eddie smiled, a tiny hand coming up to cup Richie’s chin.

“So hold me.”

Richie returned the smile, and helped Eddie to pull the comforter up over both of their bodies before he eagerly wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him in close to his chest. Eddie reached up and pulled Richie’s glasses off of his face, then folded them and placed them on the nightstand behind him, and for some reason something about that simple gesture almost made Richie start crying all over again. It was just so loving and intimate and almost domestic in a way.

He tightened the grip of his arms around Eddie, pulling him in even closer, almost as if he was trying to meld their bodies together as one. He rubbed Eddie’s back gently as he heard his breathing start to slow, trying to match his own to it.

If there were ever a time when he could escape insomnia and sleep like an angel, this should have been it, at least in theory. He’d just had the best sex of his entire life and was currently holding the love of his life in his arms; he basically had everything he’d ever wanted. 

But Richie had never been good at just shutting his brain off, and especially after the absolute rollercoaster of events and emotions he’d experienced in the last two days, his mind was still racing, despite how much as he wished he could just let it go and enjoy the moment here with Eddie.

“You doing okay?”

Richie tilted his head down to meet Eddie’s gaze where he was now looking up at Richie, chin rested against Richie’s chest. His heart swelled at Eddie’s concern for him, and he pressed a sturdy palm onto the small of Eddie’s back.

“I’m…” Richie trailed off, trying to find the words to even begin to describe how he was currently feeling. “I’m absolutely fucking amazing.”

He shook his head slightly and laughed, and Eddie giggled from where his face was now buried into Richie’s chest. 

It was true. Despite everything from the last few days, when he actually took a moment and focused on where he currently was, on the here and now, on being curled up in bed naked with the boy he’d been in love with his entire life, he was doing pretty fucking great.

“How about you?” He tilted his chin back down into his chest to look at Eddie again. “How are you feeling?”

Eddie ran a small hand up Richie’s arm to his bicep, making him shiver at the light touch. He then brushed over his shoulder before reaching his collarbone, where he trailed a thin, lithe finger.

“Safe,” he pressed even closer into Richie. “Warm. Comfortable. Taken care of. Loved.”

Richie swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat at Eddie’s words. He had known Eddie long enough to realize how special this moment was; Eddie was a guarded man, being strong and independent was important to him. Richie knew it couldn’t be easy for him to be this emotionally vulnerable, and he didn’t take it lightly that Eddie was sharing these feelings with him.

“I promise I’ll always make you feel this way,” he murmured down into the top of Eddie’s head, pressing a kiss onto his hair. “I promise I’ll always keep you safe, and warm, and… loved. For as long as you’ll let me. I love you, Eddie.”

“I love you too, Richie,” Eddie murmured in response, face still buried in Richie’s chest. “I think… I think I always have. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see it for so long. I should have known. It’s you. It’s… it’s always been you.”

He’d started crying again; Richie could feel the wetness of his tears on his chest. He reached a hand up to Eddie’s chin to tilt his face up, giving him access to kiss the tears away from his cheeks.

“It’s okay, baby,” he murmured against Eddie’s cheek, surprised at how easily the term of endearment fell from his lips, how right it felt to call Eddie his baby. “It’s okay now. Everything is okay now.”

Eddie sniffled and nestled his face back into Richie’s chest as the tears subsided, and Richie wrapped his arms back around Eddie, pulling him in close again.

He continued to stroke a hand up and down Eddie’s back until his breathing evened out again and eventually he drifted off to sleep in Richie’s arms, curled up against his chest.

Richie stayed awake a bit longer, mind no longer racing, just basking in his own contentment, happy to just watch his boyfriend sleep.

Was Eddie his boyfriend? Could he call him that after just one night?

One fucking amazing, magical night that was preceded by a lifetime of friendship and years of building a bond between them.

So… maybe his boyfriend? Maybe not, but definitely his… something.

Definitely his lover.

Richie tightened his grip around Eddie’s body and buried his face in his hair, inhaling deeply. Eddie hummed softly in his sleep.

If there was one thing he was sure of, it was this. This feeling, right here. This was what he wanted forever. He wanted to fall asleep with Eddie every night and wake up with him in his arms every morning. He wanted to laugh and kiss over breakfast.

He wanted to marry him one day.

As happy as he was, a small part of him was still afraid to go to sleep, and that small part of him made him fight it until the wee hours of the morning when sleep finally conquered him. 

Part of him, the anxious, irrational part of him that he could never get rid of no matter how hard he tried, was still worried that when they woke up, this spell would be broken. They’d realize this had all been a mistake, and leave it behind them as a one time thing. Eddie would go back to Steve, and Richie would go back to break.

Part of him was still afraid that in the morning, all this magic would be gone.

But it was still there when he awoke in the morning to the feeling of Eddie nuzzling softly into his neck and pressing kisses to his chest.

It was still there when they made love again that morning, and somehow Eddie’s body looked even more incredible in the light of the day when he could see every tiny freckle, every individual hair on his body.

It was still there when Eddie hopped out of bed to go shower, and Richie’s eyes trailed after his naked body as he walked to the doorway before stopping and peaking back over his shoulder with a coy smile, asking Richie if he wanted to join him, and Richie shot out of bed so fast his legs tangled in the sheets and he fell to the floor with a loud thud, making them both laugh.

It was still there in the shower as they kissed lazily under the hot stream of water and scrubbed each other down, taking pleasure in washing each other’s hair.

It was still there when they were down in the kitchen cooking breakfast and the entire gang suddenly showed up at their front door, concerned about how they’d left Richie the night before and surprised when he opened the door looking happier than they’d seen him since, well, ever.

It was still there after they’d all shuffled inside and he and Eddie exchanged a look, wondering if it was too soon to tell them, before they’d even really discussed what this was. But they all understood nonetheless, either from the way they were looking from each other or from just how close they were standing or maybe from the fresh hickeys on both of their necks, and Eddie had to quickly explain to them that he and Steve had broken up last night, but honestly none of them seemed to really care one bit if Eddie was cheating because Eddie and Richie being together just seemed so fucking right to all of them.

And it was still there when they shared a kiss in the middle of their kitchen, surrounded by all their friends, finally feeling like all of the pieces had fallen into place.

Things would change, they would always change. And as Richie had come to realize, change didn’t have to be bad, but change would still come, sooner or later. 

But for now, they had this moment, this one perfect moment, and nobody would ever be able to take that away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, they're together and happy! That's what everyone needs right now.  
> I wanna thank everyone for all the comments, and I specifically wanted to acknowledge that many people commenting about liking Jake, which was something I actually did keep in mind when writing this. I hope I did a good job or portraying that he really isn't a bad person, he's just young and dumb and doesn't know what he wants and he's making a lot of stupid mistakes (as we all did when we were young).  
> ALSO, I hope y'all aren't tired of me yet because I'm already halfway through another little fic that's set in the same universe, and I've got a few more ideas to work on after that (I'm also open to some more suggestions too, if anyone has some ideas or anything they'd like to see from this universe).  
> Thank you, and keep isolating!

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s Part 1! Part 2 should be up soon, and I promise I’ll make up for all the sexual frustration. 
> 
> Also the title of this one is also from the Lorde song The Louvre.


End file.
